Reassessing priorities

Dear Me,

I'm still wondering if the person you fall for, is she really the right person for you?

Find someone who complements you,
Who would bring out the best in you,
Not someone who you feel comfortable with,
For you have friends for that.

Find someone who you know,
Them inside out,
Even though you don't know what the future holds,
You will never let them go,
And ride the storm with them.

Find someone who makes you listen,
When they aren't happy, when they throw a tantrum,
And even after that, you learn, compromise and move on,
Never forgetting.

Please do try to find this person,
Otherwise, just find someone that makes you happy,
Perfection is a bitch,
And you know I've long been happy with just nearly perfection.

;)

Say something....

Its like an annual event since 2009, to meet up, catch up and to laugh about how silly we are.

Mistakes we did, the uninformed decisions we made, the childish fights we had.

Looking back, first love was indeed a memorable one.

But we have since then moved on, towards life and towards other goals. We talked about the people we made, the silly fights or break ups we had with our significant others.

We have to thank each and everyone of them, and each other of course. Because of them, we are who we are today.

:) Here to years to come.

I shall look forward to either:
a) Your Marriage
b) Cats... loads of them. xD


http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/the-one-is-now-somebody-you-used-to-know/744519/

Falling slowly

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

And I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough

And warred with yourself

It's time that you won

Falling Slowly, Once

Thank you for the love that I have felt around me,

For the people who cared, and stayed by my side,

I pray for the courage to believe in love again,

To put the pain of the past behind me,

To take that leap of faith.

I told myself I'll never forget, nor will I dwell in the past,

But words are easier said that done.

I guess this journey has not ended,

And I'm still a traveler,

Yet to close this chapter of my life.

May you rest well

When plans goes awry, and things doesn't work the way I want it to be, day after day, month after month and year after year.... you'll feel that the fire within you is burning less bright. Dimmer and dimmer.

If you expect something and you fail to get it, you will be dissapointed. If you aim too high and you almost got there, but you're still inches from reaching it, its still far away. You didn't make it, period.

I guess because of this continuous trend I had, I gave up on expecting. I tried to live in the moment instead of planning for the future. I told myself, if I want to do something, I should go and do it. If I want to say something, I should say it. There isn't a right moment. Just moments.

However, years slugging at work and studying had made me blunt. I'm still living the random life I told myself I will do, but my circle and area grew smaller and smaller by the day. My comfort zone if you may say it.

I fell for the easy things, the things that could easily fit in my schedule. Assessable places and time, those were my selection criteria.

Today was a wake up call to me. The trip that I tried to avoid, to return to my alma matter, to embrace my past that I've been running away from.

I always headed north, never south, for obvius reason. Too many heartaches, too many sad memories in the past. Today I add another one to the list.

However what prompted me to come were actually happy memories. Memories I had as a kid 13 years ago with my sensei. I recall her patience voice when she taught hiragana and katakana to us from form 1 to form 3. The songs we sang from Doraemon no uta, Sakura Sakura , Mirae and Nada Sou Sou.

I recall the greedy me when I wanted both best student award and the classroom price. Sensei told me I could only choose one as she wanted to be fair. But she ended up giving me both. The kodansha dictionary that she gave me is something I treasure most back in my teenage years, but was left in the shelf as time goes by.

I'm glad I came to say goodbye, I'm glad I came to say my thanks.

You will be missed Aoki Mikiko Sensei...

'I whispered "Thank you" as I turn the pages of this old photo album,
Always, always in my heart, there's a person who encourages me,
On any days, whether the sky is clear or if its raining, that same old smile emerges on your face,
Even when my memories of you fade away, I would search through my mind again,
And on days when you come back to life in my memories, my tears will flow endlessly'.

Timmy

I guess its a little high up for him, till he builds the confident to jump from there.

This little rascal used to be afraid of heights but he jumps on almost anything now, including the table (if there's chairs nearby).

One more paper to go AD. You can do this #icaew #whyareyousotorturing?

Pre-December stress relieve

Last year I bought a rabbit, and been loving it since.

This year I'm set on redecorating my room. Albeit with the limited budget, I'm pretty keen on it :)

Lets try to do, redecorating your room on a budget!

Past year end update.

Hey ho! I'm still alive! Can you believe that?

Been busy like hell during the year end closing and when we are almost done with it, my boss dropped a bomb on our team saying that we are gonna do another full year end come Sept/Oct.

Which is like gawd why? All our leaves are canceled. No holiday plans for us then. :'(

Took leave tomorrow to sleep. Am at KLIA at the moment. Its 4.54 a.m at the moment. Just a lil bit more :D

Of Clubs, clubs and Bars

Busy lately so will keep it short.

Been exploring KL lately with my YOLO gang.

Seems interesting. Never knew such clubs existed in KL area.

Hostess Bars and Clubs, more clubs.

Thing to do on my list, go to all of the skybars in KL.

Reminiscences

Someone reminded me the other day that I once made a video for a girl, and played it at a movie screening back in college.

Looking back, what was I thinking?

Such delicate and innocent memories. I wonder if the current me is still capable of doing those things.

Sure if its for a proposal or something, it wouldn't be odd. It would be just common.

But for a random (okay, perhaps not-so-random) person, who I just had eyes for. Its a bit overkill isn't it?

Or maybe not. I'm quite surprise that my first girlfriend manage to look past that and still date me. I was being oblivious of that at that time I guess. She must have suffered a lot during that odyssey.

                                                                      "Farewell"

Farewell so long cause
I was wrong I guess
Farewell so long cause
I was wrong I confess

I miss the way you
I miss the way you danced with me
I miss the way you
I miss the way you danced with me

So farewell my love
Cause I was wrong I guess
Farewell so long
Cause I was wrong I confess

I miss the way you
I miss the way you sing with me
I miss the way you
I miss the way you sing with me

I never asked you for
A sailboat in the yard
Or that fancy dress to wear
Or a ceiling made of stars
And all I got was just this
Broken heart from you

I'm done.

-Rosie Thomas-

Quite surprised that she still have that CD after (do some imaginative counting in my head), lets see 9 years.

Gone where the days of quietly passing by love notes, or to leave a surprise in someone's locker, or cheer for someone or to practise music together.

Right now its all the adult-ish kind of hangouts.

We grew, people change, but some thing still remains the same.

Still got a good 1.5 years before the time I give to myself is over. I should have no more excuse for myself then.

In the mean time, keep the wedding invitations rolling ;)

:) Make up time

MV here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SVnA-iUGIg

There's so much exciting things to do :) Whatever the future brings I shall greet it with a smile.

Time to make up for wasted time.

Insanity streak

'If I have never met you, but your doppelganger instead. I wonder what will my thoughts be of you, since now you're the doppelganger.'

I wonder, if all those time, spent with you,

Were actually spent with someone else,

A time of grief, a time of joy, but with another,

Would I still yield the same memories, will it end the same?

Looking back, I was so into you.

You were my day, you were my night,

As to Bubble's tune, YOU were my everything.

How foolish I was back then, to think I couldn't live without,

How foolish I was, to think I can actually forget.

Time cannot heal,

Time can only ease,

Time moves forward, with or without.

One, Two, Three, Four,

What number were you again?

Were you my first, were you my second?

Oh, you're just my distant past.

#justranting  #firstlove?  #2ndheartbreak  #3rdaplay #4thallgrownup 5thwho?

Between need, preference and wants. Oh and a little insight on me.

Just listing it as a reminder to myself, of what the 23 year old me think is needed, preferred and wanted in a partner.

I read the article on 'Why Men Are Settling for Mrs. Good Enough' and 'To Find Mr. Right You Need to Stop Looking for Mr. Perfect'.

Your options are fewer as more criterias are added to your list. Hence, I would like to look at 'The List' which I have gathered over the years.

The Needed

1. A beautiful Smile

This is and has always been my number one requirement. It doesn't matter if your drop dead gorgeous, dress well and so. But if you keep on sulking up and making sour faces, it does not attract at all. People smile genuinely when they are happy, and a happy person is beautiful in every single way that they are. :)

2. Understand that I have my weak spots, and I'm trying to improve it. I guess this is true for everyone. Virgo are perfectionist, but I've known since long that to be perfect itself requires imperfection, hence its a real paradox. Marriage is between two people and the marriage is never perfect, but we can always strive to make it perfect till the day we die and beyond.

The Preferred

1. Long Hair.
I have this crush and preference for people with long hair but I always, almost always ended up with someone with a short hair. As long as that person is comfortable with the way she is, I'm comfortable. But hey, this is a preferred thing.

2. Wear dresses.
Yes girls, I know, shorts and pants are more comfy and less restricting. But hey, you look awesome in dress and don't deny it. Sundresses and night gown are just cool.

3. A little balance on the materialistic side.
I'm not against buying stuffs. I'm an accountant, deal with it. I place value over things. Of course, if it please you go ahead. But you don't need XXXX number of things? If the price is high, but its the best there is (Brand inclusive), then be my guest GO FOR IT. But I wouldn't be paying more than anything if a substitute could be obtain at a cheaper price. It just doesn't make any economical sense. *However if a person's perception is taken into place, then its gonna be way off, hence my point here is totally invalid.*

The Wants

1. Killer legs!

Nothing is more sexy than a girl with killer legs.

2. Proportional size.

Nothing to the overskinny or chubby people, but hey looks is a plus point. Its embedded into our genetics that we look for one who's attractive.

3. Squeaky voice.

There's just something sexy about this that I'm yet to understand.

4. Loves to travel.

Who doesn't?

5. Loves to cuddle.

Be my beary bear. Hugs are awesome!

6. Understand that in-laws can be a pain.

Marrying someone, you don't just marry that single person. The family comes as a package as well. It work both ways and although it will not be work most of the time, with quarrels and comments being thrown around (Hey, you're taking their precious away too!), there are time where we just have to listen and stay low. Less fights equates a more happy family. A word of advise, my mum ain't someone you can deal with. I gave up on that years ago.

7. Loves food.

Its hard to keep a figure with good food, I know. But hey, people can go easy on the volume and still love food at the same time. Either that or exercise more to lose those extra calories. Working out together, may it be jogging, cycling or anything is cool, after all, its doing thing together that counts.

8. Someone with a clear vision.

Someone with this kind of attitude knows what they want, and how to get there. They are willing to compensate, improvise and change to get what they want. And if its not destined for them to achieve that, they'll humbly accept the fact.

The okay, I'm good with that :)

1. Short.

I know i'm tall and its a bane. If you're fine with that, I'm totally cool with your height. Things might get hard along the way but hey, if we are in this together, we'll make things work somehow. Along the way, our differences can be the cause for more and more giggles.

2. Not have kids.

Hey I'm looking for someone to share my life with. Hence whether or not she wants children, thats a different story. Of course I prefer to have kids, between 2-3 if possible. But I'm honestly fine with almost any.

3. Clingy / Hermit

Totally a-o-kay with these two extremes. I just have to learn to get use to it.

4. Older/Younger than me.

As of now, I have this +/- 4 years range for me. Not too young, not too old (hey girls who are older than me, I ideally want to get married when I'm 27/8 or so. Best if its 30+. I'm 24 this year, and well, lets just say if you're fine with waiting, then by all means go ahead).

5. I'm willing to relocate.

I know I always said I rather have someone up north, or lately when I say that I rather marry someone from Penang cause its way easier and its my home town. But honestly speaking, anywhere is fine. If I'm really into you, why wouldn't I follow you or vice versa?

6. The wait.

Hey, I've been playing this waiting game for so long. Time / Distance doesn't matter to me. It'll work out eventually. (Of course if you're just toying around then it will never work out in the first place). Trust me, I've waited a long while *and still counting, the person probably doesn't even know it* 

7. You're smarter or more successful than me.

Obviously I want to beat you. But if by all means you're better, I should be happy for you right? Why would I want to wish something bad to the person I love? That just doesn't make sense. I'm competitive, deal with it. I'll be trying my best to be better than you but hey that is not a bad thing. I'm improving. Everyone's a winner.

Reason why I'm single.

Yes, I'm writing it down here. People probably wonder why I'm single. I can tell you the usual, I haven't met 'The One', I have insufficient time, I'm focusing on my career and all of that. But here are the actual reasons.

1. Low self-esteem / Too many reasons why I'm not compatible with you.

You'll probably find this weird as I'm usually someone with the WTH attitude and go for it, regardless. But as this is a matter of choosing a partner, you'll be often wondering whether you're good enough for that person. I'll settle for less, but I always want to be Mr. Perfect. The guy who can be there for you, understands you, be as good looking cause you're gorgeous, beautiful beyond compare, my Ms. Perfect.

And of course, I'm still wearing braces, super skinny with a wee bit of pimples on my face, a bad hairdo. I'm also without a nice car and place to stay (although I do have my own, this is for the materialistic kind, or those who have silver spoons who just can't get by).

With all this imperfections, who am I to be near you?

And hence, the problem with myself. I'm my own biggest wall.

2. First Impression doesn't matter, the second one does. I'm judgemental.

The list is here for a reason. I see you and I'll evaluate you. First look, I may find you gorgeous, with the nice body, manners and smiles to die for. But on the second glance, traces of your imperfection appears. 

'This girl isn't so pretty on second glance'.

'Hey, did she just say that?'

'On second look, bad match up. She's too boring, yadda yadda'.

If there's something wrong with you, I'll know it. The question then is, am I able to look beyond it. It takes time to know people, to understand the personality. People need to talk but hey, before we start talking (and I, discover your hidden gems), you're already tag and labelled and set aside. Tagging, is one of my bane.

So here you have it, 'The List' according to Adrian Koay.

As of now, I'm busy on weekdays and weekends (If classes are on). Schedule's pretty tight so I feel bad if I can't entertain you that much. For someone who doesn't have much to offer at this age, you can't blame me for having a 'slight' low esteem problem, aye?

And hence, this is why Adrian Koay have so many crushes but never went for any of them. I want to find someone, learn to love again and be in a relationship, make it work this time. But I just have to many excuses.

Peace out.

Hey October, please be kind.

Dear world,

I know I haven't been in my goody two shoes lately, but that doesn't mean that you can hit on me whenever you want. :(

Sincerely,
Adrian

PS: It hurts on the head y'no?

Whatever happens....

..... we grew and perfected ourself for a better person, someone out there in the future.

Been putting myself off from watching this short from WongFu, cause I know it will bring back memories.

Soapiness aside, AA paper is next week. When was the last time I posted about exam anyway? :P

Thoughts...

'Just because he left doesn't mean that he’s gone forever.

He will eventually come crawling back to you because he just likes you that much.

He wants you bad.

He just doesn't show it because he’s scared that you don't like him any more.

Yet your dying inside to have him back. You’d do anything because you like him that much. '

Found this random quote online. Seems nice if its true.

As time goes by, it gets weirder...

'Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You
change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts.
Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.
Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has
nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is
give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so
the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step.'

-Kafka on the Shore-

Someone once told me that time wil heal me, that I will learn to love again. Thing is, after 3 years, I'm starting to doubt if I can indeed love again. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still attracted to people. I have a few crush on my list at the moment, some near and some pretty far away. But then, I rather have them as partners, to spend the time with, no strings attached. 

I want to have dinners, go watch a play or a movie. Go on an adventurous trip, walk down the beach or just be plain silly and fool around. Cuddle on the couch, or some sort like that.

I want a person that when she smiles, my entire world smiles with her. I want a genuine smile, not the sad smile that I put on these days. 

I want to hear laughters again. Laughters that can drown my entire world. Keep me aside for a moment and rocket me to cloud nine once again.

I want.......

But it ain't feasible. For one, I still have restrain that I'm putting on myself. 

First off, to deserve someone as 'perfect' , I have to be no less than 'perfect' myself, or whats close to it. I need to get rid of my defects, my scars of what is deem imperfection.

This of course means financial, physically and educationally. 

我需要房子，车子和事业。

This of course, put my trajectory eligibility age to at least 27. ICAEW is going to take another 3 (Est 26] years at the very least, then CFA [3 years, Est 29]. Then maybe if I'm still up for it I'm going to do Masters [1-2 years, Est 31]. Woots, I'm going to be 31 before I know it! That is provided I do not take any break from studying!

Working life as it is, is pretty lifeless during the week. Take weekends away from me [for studying] and there you have the famous saying; 

'Where got time...?' [Insert ah beng tone].

I do not have time for commitment to another party. I, however, do have the time to indulge in life's little pleasures.

So what is it with this post? To be honest, I haven't the slightest clue myself.

Maybe time will tell, maybe time will forget. But one thing definitely, my perception is getting weirder by the day.

Mii-chan!!!

Of from work on Friday and went to check on the latest AKB48 news.

I was so shocked to see Minegishi Minami with her head all shaved. What the hell was going on?

For the full story you can read it here

http://thevine.com.au/entertainment/news/minegishi-minami-of-akb48s-sex-scandal-and-shame-shaving/

Or just google it.

She broke a rule, yeah I know. But.... its still a big too much. 'Kudos' to Shukan Bunshun. Nasty people, paparazzi.

She's currently demoted to a trainee, but she will rise again.... soon....

When the manager thinks that its appropriate and the 'scandal' has died out.

I want Mii-chan back! Bring her back!!!

='(

Be strong Mii-chan!

Judgemental me

Who am I to judge people? I'm not a perfect human being myself. But most of the time I just can't help it. Its like second nature to me....

Anyway sidetrack~

Whenever I see this video, I'll think of Port Dickson... =/ Damn.... The future that I will never have.

When you are stuck in between...

So we bid farewell to 2012, and say hello to 2013.

Exciting isn't it?

Must be, we survived the apocalypse anyway. We have a tale to be told for many generations to come...

Or do we?

I wonder if an 'apocalypse' can be a slow bleeding one. One that gradually gets worse with time, and not the expected BANG! End of the World. We are all dead and its time to either go to heaven or hell. Period.

Last chance of salvation.

Religion isn't really my sort of thing after I went 'rogue' 2 3 years. I've tried to believing, to truly submerge myself into religion for 1 and a half years, searching and waiting.

Good things come to people who search. Knock and it shall be open/given unto you.

But after all of that, all I get was a pat on the back, but that feeling of what I know is true, was just never there.

I still believe there's more to live than just living our daily life. More to be done, more to be seen.

And I shall continue looking for it. I've been relaxing and burying myself into mundane jobs for the past 1 year. Its time I get back into the game.

SO, lets stick to the 'ritual' that we do each year.

My new year resolution this year is to:

1. Get more spiritually intact with the greater power (If any does exist).
2. Continue my search to find THE truth, or my own truth. Whichever one it may be.

and on a side note

3. Buff up, get fatter. I just don't want to be a skinny tall guy any more. Maybe I am THE skinny tall guy everyone have reference to. But I just don't want to be that.

All in all, this year's resolution is about change.

Aren't all new year's resolution 'bout that?

PS: Can't use the same thing I said last year. 'My new year's resolution is the same as the year before, and the year before cause I don't remember it anymore.

I hope everyone has a wonder new year and may 2013 brings the best out in us.

For those who read all the way down here, here's a little word from our *cough* sponsors

Random

I still recall Mel asking me why do you want to work in finance/account. You can never do a good/great job at it. You are expected to have everything perfect, without making any mistakes.

No matter how good are at it, its expected that you are suppose to be that good.

But when the mistakes are spotted, hells runs loose.

._. I've learnt my lesson. January is Monthly closing as usual, Quarter and Mid-Year GFA. Thanks Group Finance for giving us extra jobs T_T.

Anyway, I need to find something to do soon. Ro2 is only going live on 27th so I need something to occupy my time till then.

Any suggestions?