A random signal or is it that fate's clock has decided to turn?

I don't even know where to start. ;D

I was shrugging myself out of bed on a Tuesday morning, as I have to meet Kieran, Stannah and Ivy at half past 9 for our group presentation. It went sorta okay I guess. Should have more practise but considering that according to Stannah, Kieran is 'crap' at presenting and Ivy just speaks so softly most of the time. It wasn't that bad, but wasn't what I was used to.

Note: Kieran wasn't bad at all, its just that he sometimes forgets what he was suppose to say but making him repeat it multiple times, that was all it took.

Financial Reporting and Accountability workshop was next. Our Mr. (Prof) Xavier [I have the tendency to call all our seminar leaders professor as most of them are PhD students, but apparently he was actually a chartered accountant who volunteered to handle our seminars. It kinda stuck to me anyway but its no offence at all. As a matter of fact, he like being call professor :p] was explaining us on how to consolidate balance sheets and as usual, I'm the one that answers his questions and give him the figures. There was once he ask, can anyone answer this? *looks at me and says* ' Except for Adrian, someone else please. =)


Nah, this blog post isn't about my seminar leader and the 'lazy' people that won't response to his question whenever asked, but rather about something else.

You see, there's this girl (Why does it always has to be ' there's this girl?' when its a boy's story?) that I noticed in our seminar. She's always been there but I had just choose not to notice her (This was the same for everyone for the past 6 months). So today she sat in front of me wearing a light brown trench coat. (My favourite! Don't ask me why, light brown trench coats just affects me much) I then notice her face, features etc and for the rest of the seminar, I kept sneaking a peak at her whenever possible. Not so hard considering she's sitting in front of me, one seat to the right.

Call it a slight crush but she reminds me of the character Black Rose, the original and old one

But her face kinda reminds me or someone else, couldn't really figure out till I went back to my room that day.

So I ran a search and ask Mr. Google, but alas to no succeed. How can I find something that I have vague memory of?

But Lady Luck was smiling on me I guess, I somehow bump into the song Dandelion Promise or 蒲公英的約定 song from Secret and tada! The mystery person was revealed!

Yes! Its Kwan Lun-Mei =), this reminds me of the movie The Most Distance Course or 最遙遠的距離 which really touched my heart back then. Made me cry to be honest :'( (Currently in an attempt to download so that I can watch it again)


Forward to today,


9th December 2010, there was the MBS social. Yin didn't want to go when I asked her last few weeks. I was like, free food , free drinks at HARD ROCK CAFE! Why wouldn't you want to go? I myself didn't had any reasons to go there as in my mind : keep repeating mantra: Hard Rock Cafe is an expensive place, its an expensive place. This was based on my experience in Bali. >.<

Anyway went there and saw Terry (My old flatmate). Went around but no one else recognisable was there (apart from Vivien [lovely person] and the 'evil' Gail Hail which didn't want to give me my Student Rep certificate! Grrrr).

Amed (I think this is how you spell his name?) came later and we talked about our CSCW presentation and about BTP Presentation tomorrow (which is as of time of writing, TODAY!). Went upstairs cause it was getting a bit stuffy as well as we had to stand!

We were just talking and was almost leaving when a group of first year girls approach us and ask if they could sit there. We just smiled and say 'Sure'.

Amed and I continued talking but after a while to stop ourself from being rude, introduce ourselves to the girls and started a conversation. Apparently one of the girls is on my course (AMAIS!). She initially wanted MAIS or ITMB (Amed's course) but was only accepted to AMAIS. (My fault xD, we voted to stop the MAIS Programme as there was too little people in it last year while I was still the Student Rep).

There were some Chinese girls as well. One whose name was Miao and another Ariel. Oh and the girl in AMAIS, her name was Stephanie. There was a Josephine as well. Most of there were Management Students. I didn't get the name of the other two but maybe Amed did.

The interesting bit is for the rest of the night, I found myself constantly looking in Ariel's direction. (She does look like Kwan Lun-Mei a bit) I don't normally do this as I told myself that I wouldn't fall again for another. [Makes a nice escape route in case I ever fall again as I can fall for those I have fallen before, but no one new =)].

Okay so maybe up till now you might think that this post is dedicated to writing that I have had not one but in fact noticed TWO girls in one week. Where I have failed to make myself noticed any girls at all for the past 6 months, even when so many pretty innocent looking girls are around. (Due to the fact that I just couldn't be bothered to because A: Fragile Heart, B: My Promise to myself C: Looking at another girl just makes me recall sad moments).

Is this a sign? Or something to tell me that my subconscious mind had moved on? Truthfully, I'm not interested in any of the above two. But is my heart done sulking and has it put on a new set of armour for Round 2?

I seriously don't have a clue

Or maybe I'm just attracted to Kwan Lun-Mei so much that I started seeing her in other people? But wait, it was the girl at the seminar first that led to Kwan Lun-Mei then Ariel. So now what?

Gosh, I sound so stupid in this post! I should just stop and get my sleep so we would be prepared for tomorrow's presentation.

Which I will do now, so Good Night and Toodles!

FUNKY MONKEY BABYS「希望の唄」

あなたがいて　あなたといて

もしこの世にあなたが　存在していなかったら
100ある笑顔のうち　少なくとも40は無くなる
もしも地球の裏側　あなたがいると分かったら
無くなった40の笑顔　取り戻すため海を渡ろう
あなたの涙が雨になる　あなたの言葉が風になる
諦めかけて乾いた心に　希望という花が咲いた
ああ気付いてほしい　この歌の意味を知ってほしい
僕にとってこんなにも　大事で必要な人

あなたがいて　あなたといて　こんなに幸せになるよ
忘れないで　そのぬくもり　他の誰でもないあなた
あの涙も　その笑顔も　あの涙も　その笑顔も

この無数にある出会いの中　偶然あなたと繋がった
もしも出会えてなかったなら　夢すら持ててなかった
いつの間にかあなたの笑顔が　変わらない本当の居場所
心から支えられている　だから僕は笑っていられる
ともに遠回りとかもしたけど　辿って来た夢の足跡
昔から変わらず今でも　沢山の勇気をありがとう
振り返らずにまた前へと　これからも重ねて行く年
僕には歌しかないけれど　ずって見守って欲しい

※あなたがいて　あなたといて　こんなに幸せになるよ
忘れないで　そのぬくもり　他の誰でもないあなた
この世界で　一人だけの　あなたに出会えた奇跡が
こんな僕を　勇気づける　力があなたにはあるの※

いつも愛してくれた人よ
僕に今　何か出来るなら
探していた　未来の灯を
あなたと分かち合いたい

(※くり返し)

あなたがいる　あなたといる
あなたがいる　あなたといる
La La La La…

I want to Fly~

Wo Yao Fei Fei Yue Shang Bei Yi Zhong Jie Jin Guang De Gan Jue
Zi You Shi Meng Xiang Wu Bian Wu Ji De Neng Yuan
Wo Gan Fei You Meng Jiu Zhui Yi Zhong Jiao Ao Zun Yan De Mei
Ju Da De Kao Yan Xian Zai Jiu Yao Kua Yue

Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Wo Xiang Fei
Zhui Zhui Zhui Zhui Zhui Jue Bu Hou Tui
Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Wo Xiang Fei Ya (Wo Xiang Fei)

Wo Yao Yong Li Fei Bu Guan You Duo Yuan
Chao Y? Le Ji xian TIao Zhan De Mao Xian
Wo Yao Yong Gan Zhui Ben xiang Dao Zhong Dian
Tong Guo De Lei Shui Huai Lai Shi Tian Mei

Wo Yao Fei

Wo Yao Fei

Dear the man in the mirror,

You did not just simply choose the name Zephyr for yourself for nothing.
You wanted to fly free, following the gentle west wind around the world.
You wanted to see the world, explore it's magnificent wonders endlessly.

Without bound,
Without chains,
Without worries.

But why is it the higher you fly, the more you want to be chain to the grounds?
Perhaps I am more like a kite, the higher I go, the more I see.
But once I lose my ties to the ground, the wind will no longer carry me above,
But drop me down to the harsh and solid earth.

Which is a good thing I guess. Once cannot be too carefree after all.

Fairy Tale?

Kah Yean posted this link on Facebook. I like how harmonize it was with the violin and trumpet. Really reminds me of the time spend in Studio 1 back in KYS. =')

This song has always affected me, into believing that fairy tales can exist. Even now as I am losing hope, it gives me the strength to go on, to believe that it still exist somewhere.

PS: Mute the song track on the right panel of this blog first. =)

White bats

I was dancing on the dance floor,

Pumped with adrenaline and carefree though I wonder why,

I wasn't like this the year before,

Oh wait, there isn't any guilt this time,

Nothing to care for, nothing to worry about,

I'm single.

Does it always feels this awesome?

And I have chosen to ignore it for so long?

And then there came a vision of a 'white bat',

As I close my eyes to the rhythm of the floor,

And I dance with you, smiling.

Perhaps a lie isn't so bad after all.

=)

For once I smile in months

PS: Happy Birthday Sash! Hope you enjoy the Russian Standard I bought you. And remember, its only for you. NO ONE ELSE should take a sip out of it!

Of Paramore and the most expensive breakup so far =)

19th November 2010

Paramore came. We went. Its AWESOME!
Opening act was great with B.O.B around and when its the last song for him (Yup you guessed it!), its Airplane! Hayley came in with a very thick white coat. Very unusual but listening to it live, really makes me wanna cry. The song Airplane means so much to me as it brings back memories, as well as hopes I used to have.

The rest of it was simply singing to the songs I knew, even though I did not know most of the song's titles. But hey, what can you expect from someone that doesn't really follow up on artist and so on, but just generally likes music but not really into it.

For me, music is a part of life and I listen to those that affect me the most at various part of my life. Happy, Emo, Sad, Mad.. anything. Music simply is.

Will post more about it when I have time =) As well as upload some pictures.

Next up, expensive breakup. @.@

I need something else to focus my mind on, instead of just looking and thinking about it each and everyday. Since I came back to Manchester, I thought Uni work would be sufficient to keep my mind off it, but apparently not. Spare time, in between, whenever I see stuffs, I'll think of last year memories that I had while walking past those places. The 'phone call rush', chasing buses or simply was a place I normally walk past at 4pm (11pm-12am MY Time) when I'm calling.

I seriously needed something new, somewhere that I am not familiar with.

Which ended up with Magic The Gathering. >.< I last played this game 3 years ago in high school. Was into casual tournaments for a while FNM (Friday Night Magic) for quite some time and the best ever achievement I ever had was 2nd place (after Ban Lee Lim). Almost gotten first once! And you know how addictive it is to buy cards.

Let me put it this way, A pack of cards which contains 15 random cards. My hands get itchy just by thinking of it. I want to open packs and see what that I manage to pull out from the booster pack. And when buying the whole box is way cheaper, things just got worse.

Its a never ending cycle, the more I buy, the more I want to buy. =/ Thats why I stopped last time. Its getting too expensive for me to play. But now with all the money I have, money seem not to be the issue.

I'm getting poorer and poorer each day but well, it does do its job fairly well at making me think of cards instead of people =).

Gotta sign off now, still need to prepare my profile for MBS new website. I'm amazed they are making a student profile for the undergraduate page. Its an honour that they selected me =)

After a while =)

I've tend not to erase someone from my memories even when I want to. I still remember the last one that I said so was to Ika. =) I really didn't want to think about it, but after all this years I've realised, I just couldn't stop. Not in that particular way but when I was with Tian Feng, I used to compare the two all the time.

That is just because they are the exact opposite of each other.

One with a I don't care attitude, its up to you,

One cares absolutely about everything, always in control,

One texts a lot, the other doesn't,

One revere in contact, the other in mind.,

But what they both share in common was their beautiful smiles.

After 5 months, I thought it would be better now. At least we can talk a bit right? However its still the usual yes, no , urm. And I'm always the one who initiates the conversation. I don't blame anyway, people takes time.

I have given up hope on getting her back and just plan to leave it as time passes by. 

But I don't know why I still feel sad whenever I see her uncomfortable. I still do worry a lot.

But I can't deny that it is a wonderful experience, to be just in the mind.

I've learnt quite a lot. Its about giving in, take one step behind from both sides.

If you have the will to it, no one could stop you. Its just that my will to have and the will to protect contradicts each other.

I think I have continue to care for my ex-es, which is just Ika and Tian Feng whether I realised it or not. Its just a subconscious effect I suppose.

But one think, I learn from my mistakes. And looking back since 2007, how stupid have I been. Running away from my girlfriend just because I could stand 'not being free' and pressure from my mum, trying to fall in love again just to escape the previous one, waiting just because I hope that it will be okay.

2009 was great, I took it slow. But when its time whether you lose it or fight for it. I choose to fight for it despite my confusions whether its true or not. I glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have grown mentally.  

Summer 2010 was more of a soul searching time for me. A part from the vacation trips, I made an effort to see all the people that I have once had crushes for, or I have been in a relationship with.

It showed me how I have change throughout the years, what lies I have been telling myself, what mistakes I have done and the most important one, reigniting the memories of the past.

I am what I am today, because of my past as well as my present.

If I were to relive the past again, I think I'll still make the same decision I have made back then. I need it in order to grow and understand. Otherwise the current Adrian will be just a foolish person.

To live, learn and die =)

Isn't that what its all about?