After a while =)

I've tend not to erase someone from my memories even when I want to. I still remember the last one that I said so was to Ika. =) I really didn't want to think about it, but after all this years I've realised, I just couldn't stop. Not in that particular way but when I was with Tian Feng, I used to compare the two all the time.

That is just because they are the exact opposite of each other.

One with a I don't care attitude, its up to you,

One cares absolutely about everything, always in control,

One texts a lot, the other doesn't,

One revere in contact, the other in mind.,

But what they both share in common was their beautiful smiles.

After 5 months, I thought it would be better now. At least we can talk a bit right? However its still the usual yes, no , urm. And I'm always the one who initiates the conversation. I don't blame anyway, people takes time.

I have given up hope on getting her back and just plan to leave it as time passes by. 

But I don't know why I still feel sad whenever I see her uncomfortable. I still do worry a lot.

But I can't deny that it is a wonderful experience, to be just in the mind.

I've learnt quite a lot. Its about giving in, take one step behind from both sides.

If you have the will to it, no one could stop you. Its just that my will to have and the will to protect contradicts each other.

I think I have continue to care for my ex-es, which is just Ika and Tian Feng whether I realised it or not. Its just a subconscious effect I suppose.

But one think, I learn from my mistakes. And looking back since 2007, how stupid have I been. Running away from my girlfriend just because I could stand 'not being free' and pressure from my mum, trying to fall in love again just to escape the previous one, waiting just because I hope that it will be okay.

2009 was great, I took it slow. But when its time whether you lose it or fight for it. I choose to fight for it despite my confusions whether its true or not. I glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have grown mentally.  

Summer 2010 was more of a soul searching time for me. A part from the vacation trips, I made an effort to see all the people that I have once had crushes for, or I have been in a relationship with.

It showed me how I have change throughout the years, what lies I have been telling myself, what mistakes I have done and the most important one, reigniting the memories of the past.

I am what I am today, because of my past as well as my present.

If I were to relive the past again, I think I'll still make the same decision I have made back then. I need it in order to grow and understand. Otherwise the current Adrian will be just a foolish person.

To live, learn and die =)

Isn't that what its all about?