The end of time

No idea what to expect nor to hope for, but I think it's time to end the year with a total blast. Newcastle here I come!!!

The end if 2010

I seriously wonder if 2010 has been a good year? It's a year filled with mixed emotions, meeting new people, new experience and rediscovering stuffs.

As the new year countdown draws closer, the winds of my life blew harder, as if it's trying to tell me something. Maybe I am leaving some unfinished business unfinished, or perhaps it's just giving me that one final blow, knocking me down for one last time, just before I embrace the new year with a stronger heart, mind and spirit.

But as of now, Bon voyage 2010!

First time FNM win =)

My first FNM was in 2006 and being a student I was on a budget deck. Simply just Boros with NO RARES in the deck at all =). Best achievement was 2nd out of 8.

17th Dec 2010

Went off with a bad start where in a practise duel I lost to twice to Tzong Tay (Valakut) and once to Ming Ken (Life Gain Weenie).

I was joking that I should switch to my Elf deck since my Goblin Deck was kinda PMS-ing with me. But I eventually went on with my Gobbos =)

1st Match vs. Pyromancer Ascension

Game 1

He won the die roll and choose to start first. Most of the time it was scry, draw , bolt ish. The pyromancer didn't got active during game and it ended fairly quickly.

Game 2

Was kind of hard, I sided in Jinxed Idol in but he kept mana leak, bolt, burst lightning and into the roil my creatures. In the hand I ran out of gas and surprisingly we just ended the turn for around 4 turns without doing anything.

Ended with a memnite down and sacrifice to jinxed idol for lethal. I really wonder whats in his hand.

Memorial match was that my Memnite got killed of by pyroclasm when it was the only creature on board.

2nd Match against G/W ramp?

Game 1 

Won the roll die and started first. Kicked off with Kudoltha rebirth and Goblin Guide. He cast some bird of paradise and garruk but wasn't fast enough.

Game 2

I didn't expect much creatures so I didn't sided in my Mark of Mutiny and Act of Treason. Turn out he sided in some artifact creatures.

The scenario was like this.

He cast Masticore, I kill it, cast Masticore, kill it again, cast Wurmcoil Engine. I scooped. I simply just don't have enough kill spells

Game 3

Started of with turn 2 panic spellbomb and kudoltha rebirth.

Turn 3 bushwhacker (hit for 8)

Turn 4 teethering peaks, bushwhacker and panic spellbomb as he had one blocker and hit for 12 =) Ended fairly quickly!

3rd Match WW Relic Quest

Game 1 - Ended up fairly quickly to turn 1 and 2 kudoltha rebirth and bushwhacker on turn 3 and 4

Game 2 - Scooped as I kept a one land hand and he argentum armor me on turn 3, destroying my land

Game 3 - Didn't board in my Perilous Myr so was shocked when I see Kor Firewalker. >.< Almost gave up but the my Spikeshot Elder was hitting him for 2 each turn while he was trying to stabilise the board.

Ended up the game with 8 Goblins whacking with kicker from Bushwhacker and +1/+1 for the chieftain and 2 5/5 Devastating Summons for 36 damage if unblocked. He could only block 3 so 24 damage pass through =)

4th Match against Caw Go

Its Eric again! I lost to him last week (My only lost). This week he was playing Brian Kibbler's Caw Go Deck with a few modifications of his own.

Game 1

Lost quickly to counterspells and Baneslayer hitting the board on turn 6 when he was on 7.

Game 2

Won due to Spikeshot elder, Goblin Guide hitting him each turn (after getting Ratchet bomb and Day of Judgement several times)

Game 3

He kept a Preordain, Jace TMS , Gideon Jura and 4 lands. It was a definite keeper but sadly for him he kept drawing lands for almost all of the draws till the end. (Except one Mana Leak and this was when my Goblin Guide was giving him a land each turn!)

=) Pretty Glad I boarded in Spikeshot Elder. It has helped save me from losing to WW and winning games against Eric, which I am really scared to face. To make matter worst, we sat on the same table in which I lost last week. He told me he specifically chose that sport for that particular reason. >.<

My Turbo Goblin Deck with my FNM 1st Prize Foil : Wild Nacalt for December

Insanity Boredom

What if the girl you liked, liked you back?

Such fairytale do exist, although they might not last. But seriously? ZOMG! :D

When did you last drop your phone?
Can't remember. *Scratches head for his phone and looks around for it. Knocks over something. 'HEy thats my phone!* So I guess the answer is now?

PS: Get a Nokia. They are very very durable!

Can money buy happiness?
Money can't buy happiness but they DO ASSIST it a lot!

Do you think women should work or stay at home?
Whatever they want as long as they don't be workaholic

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you'll get it?
I believe in 99% in that, as we will work as hard as we want for that. 1% is just something that is beyond our control.

How many people do you trust one hundred percent?
Truthfully I don't know

How many times do you hit the snooze button in the morning?Till its 15 minutes before lectures =)

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
YES.

Do you sleep with a fan on?
Yes PLEASE! But right now since it doesn't exist in my room and its so cold... no.

How many people have you kissed who's name started with an M?
0

Have you told anybody you loved them today and meant it?
No.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Yeah, but it depends,

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?Ideally the plan used to be get married at 28 (finance should be stable by now), then have kids at 30.

Whose hand did you last hold?Can't remember, been such a long time. Maybe one of the girls during ice skating the other day.

What if you dropped your phone in a puddle?Picked it up, wipe it, test if it works. Done

What is your mom saved as in your phone?Mum

Do you know who your real friends are?
Yes I do =)

Would you change your eye color to blue?
Contact lens!

Would you date a 13 year old at the age you are now?
Would be cute but I think it would be dead awkward so NO!

Is it ever too late to apologize?
Its never to late, but some things just doesn't stay the same.

Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you?

You know who you are, I just wish you all the best.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
Doubt so, but life goes on =). Oh Exams! Darn it!

What's the last taste in your mouth?Milo =), its great having it when its cold

Do you know any of your neighbors?Yeah all of them :D

List three things near you:
1. My watch

2. Food

3. Laptop?

What was the last thing you watched on the TV?
X-Factor 2010 Final, it was showing at Pizza Co

What was the last thing you looked up on Google?
DFD-based context model of Amazon’s internet system, was trying to find if its on the net or not.

Is there snow on the ground where you are?
Yes, just some trickle


Do you like when people play with your hair?
Certain people but normally I don't mind unless its awkward.


What color is your hair?
Black.

What's the last thing you "aw'd" at?
Normally its an ooooo but does awww man counts? :p

Where is the person who has your heart?
Right where I am, Me =).

What do you hear?Vague electric static.

Congratulations, you just had a baby boy! What's his name?Lassie! Or Beethoven

What are you craving at the moment?
Holidays to come!

Are you in a complicated relationship?
Not even in one. <- I like this so I'm gonna keep it

Who was the last person you said I love you to?
See Tian Feng. Haven't uttered that in months. Not even to my parents :p

What's your favorite thing to do in the summer time?
Travel around!

Do you like silver or gold better?
White gold!

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
Thinking of it :D but then again.

Whats the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
7.30am

Is your birthday in less than 6 months?
Nope, it was 3 months ago

Would you consider yourself open-minded?

YES

Are you wearing anything that doesn't belong to you?
Nope

Do you hate when people call you when you're sleeping?
YES....

What woke you up this morning?
A phone call..Grrrr

Where were you an hour ago?
Gray's Kitchen, Grosvenor Street Building

What was the last drink you had?
Milo!

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
YES

Did anything annoy you today?
Read the 4th question above this

If you could, would you punch the last person to hold your hand?
I could punch any of the girls during ice skating anytime I want. I just need to run afterwards. ^^ 

Know a secret?
Yup

If your ex was in trouble and you were the only one that could help him/her, would you?
Sadly its my nature. Can't say no =/

When was the last time you felt like crying?
24th November 2010

Your bf/gf cheats on you. What do you do?
Let her go. If they cheat on you, you know that she doesn't really care about you.

What were you doing this morning at seven A.M.?
About to sleep!

Do you have anything that belongs to a Girlfriend or an ex girlfriend?
Yes, a key ring with my name on it.

What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your brother?Sure go AHEAD!

How many kids do you want to have?
3

This time last last year were you happier then now?I certainly was!

Have you ever been called a bitch?
Nah, it doesn't apply to guys.

When is the next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Does stuff doll counts? Come here Husky!

Have you ever had stitches?
Yeah, some spots on my face.

Are you giving up on someone?Already did

Do you spend more time on myspace or facebook?
...facebook, myspace just looks creepy.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Coursework T_T

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
Hi? 

I bet you miss somebody right now.
Terrible, I miss the old me.

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
What better thing to waste time on?

Whose clothes are you wearing?MINE!

Do you wish things were different with someone?
Secretly, yes.

Are you easy to get mad?
Not quite.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Its possible given the right circumstances.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I told myself I wouldn't love another. So unless I am suddenly with those from the past. NO. Though in 3 months time my 8 months time limit would be over! Interesting.

Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?

Nah, I wear my own. :p

The last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says "I'm sorry...".

Well its about time you say that FACE TO FACE! Thanks, now go away! =)

A random signal or is it that fate's clock has decided to turn?

I don't even know where to start. ;D

I was shrugging myself out of bed on a Tuesday morning, as I have to meet Kieran, Stannah and Ivy at half past 9 for our group presentation. It went sorta okay I guess. Should have more practise but considering that according to Stannah, Kieran is 'crap' at presenting and Ivy just speaks so softly most of the time. It wasn't that bad, but wasn't what I was used to.

Note: Kieran wasn't bad at all, its just that he sometimes forgets what he was suppose to say but making him repeat it multiple times, that was all it took.

Financial Reporting and Accountability workshop was next. Our Mr. (Prof) Xavier [I have the tendency to call all our seminar leaders professor as most of them are PhD students, but apparently he was actually a chartered accountant who volunteered to handle our seminars. It kinda stuck to me anyway but its no offence at all. As a matter of fact, he like being call professor :p] was explaining us on how to consolidate balance sheets and as usual, I'm the one that answers his questions and give him the figures. There was once he ask, can anyone answer this? *looks at me and says* ' Except for Adrian, someone else please. =)


Nah, this blog post isn't about my seminar leader and the 'lazy' people that won't response to his question whenever asked, but rather about something else.

You see, there's this girl (Why does it always has to be ' there's this girl?' when its a boy's story?) that I noticed in our seminar. She's always been there but I had just choose not to notice her (This was the same for everyone for the past 6 months). So today she sat in front of me wearing a light brown trench coat. (My favourite! Don't ask me why, light brown trench coats just affects me much) I then notice her face, features etc and for the rest of the seminar, I kept sneaking a peak at her whenever possible. Not so hard considering she's sitting in front of me, one seat to the right.

Call it a slight crush but she reminds me of the character Black Rose, the original and old one

But her face kinda reminds me or someone else, couldn't really figure out till I went back to my room that day.

So I ran a search and ask Mr. Google, but alas to no succeed. How can I find something that I have vague memory of?

But Lady Luck was smiling on me I guess, I somehow bump into the song Dandelion Promise or 蒲公英的約定 song from Secret and tada! The mystery person was revealed!

Yes! Its Kwan Lun-Mei =), this reminds me of the movie The Most Distance Course or 最遙遠的距離 which really touched my heart back then. Made me cry to be honest :'( (Currently in an attempt to download so that I can watch it again)


Forward to today,


9th December 2010, there was the MBS social. Yin didn't want to go when I asked her last few weeks. I was like, free food , free drinks at HARD ROCK CAFE! Why wouldn't you want to go? I myself didn't had any reasons to go there as in my mind : keep repeating mantra: Hard Rock Cafe is an expensive place, its an expensive place. This was based on my experience in Bali. >.<

Anyway went there and saw Terry (My old flatmate). Went around but no one else recognisable was there (apart from Vivien [lovely person] and the 'evil' Gail Hail which didn't want to give me my Student Rep certificate! Grrrr).

Amed (I think this is how you spell his name?) came later and we talked about our CSCW presentation and about BTP Presentation tomorrow (which is as of time of writing, TODAY!). Went upstairs cause it was getting a bit stuffy as well as we had to stand!

We were just talking and was almost leaving when a group of first year girls approach us and ask if they could sit there. We just smiled and say 'Sure'.

Amed and I continued talking but after a while to stop ourself from being rude, introduce ourselves to the girls and started a conversation. Apparently one of the girls is on my course (AMAIS!). She initially wanted MAIS or ITMB (Amed's course) but was only accepted to AMAIS. (My fault xD, we voted to stop the MAIS Programme as there was too little people in it last year while I was still the Student Rep).

There were some Chinese girls as well. One whose name was Miao and another Ariel. Oh and the girl in AMAIS, her name was Stephanie. There was a Josephine as well. Most of there were Management Students. I didn't get the name of the other two but maybe Amed did.

The interesting bit is for the rest of the night, I found myself constantly looking in Ariel's direction. (She does look like Kwan Lun-Mei a bit) I don't normally do this as I told myself that I wouldn't fall again for another. [Makes a nice escape route in case I ever fall again as I can fall for those I have fallen before, but no one new =)].

Okay so maybe up till now you might think that this post is dedicated to writing that I have had not one but in fact noticed TWO girls in one week. Where I have failed to make myself noticed any girls at all for the past 6 months, even when so many pretty innocent looking girls are around. (Due to the fact that I just couldn't be bothered to because A: Fragile Heart, B: My Promise to myself C: Looking at another girl just makes me recall sad moments).

Is this a sign? Or something to tell me that my subconscious mind had moved on? Truthfully, I'm not interested in any of the above two. But is my heart done sulking and has it put on a new set of armour for Round 2?

I seriously don't have a clue

Or maybe I'm just attracted to Kwan Lun-Mei so much that I started seeing her in other people? But wait, it was the girl at the seminar first that led to Kwan Lun-Mei then Ariel. So now what?

Gosh, I sound so stupid in this post! I should just stop and get my sleep so we would be prepared for tomorrow's presentation.

Which I will do now, so Good Night and Toodles!

FUNKY MONKEY BABYS「希望の唄」

あなたがいて　あなたといて

もしこの世にあなたが　存在していなかったら
100ある笑顔のうち　少なくとも40は無くなる
もしも地球の裏側　あなたがいると分かったら
無くなった40の笑顔　取り戻すため海を渡ろう
あなたの涙が雨になる　あなたの言葉が風になる
諦めかけて乾いた心に　希望という花が咲いた
ああ気付いてほしい　この歌の意味を知ってほしい
僕にとってこんなにも　大事で必要な人

あなたがいて　あなたといて　こんなに幸せになるよ
忘れないで　そのぬくもり　他の誰でもないあなた
あの涙も　その笑顔も　あの涙も　その笑顔も

この無数にある出会いの中　偶然あなたと繋がった
もしも出会えてなかったなら　夢すら持ててなかった
いつの間にかあなたの笑顔が　変わらない本当の居場所
心から支えられている　だから僕は笑っていられる
ともに遠回りとかもしたけど　辿って来た夢の足跡
昔から変わらず今でも　沢山の勇気をありがとう
振り返らずにまた前へと　これからも重ねて行く年
僕には歌しかないけれど　ずって見守って欲しい

※あなたがいて　あなたといて　こんなに幸せになるよ
忘れないで　そのぬくもり　他の誰でもないあなた
この世界で　一人だけの　あなたに出会えた奇跡が
こんな僕を　勇気づける　力があなたにはあるの※

いつも愛してくれた人よ
僕に今　何か出来るなら
探していた　未来の灯を
あなたと分かち合いたい

(※くり返し)

あなたがいる　あなたといる
あなたがいる　あなたといる
La La La La…

I want to Fly~

Wo Yao Fei Fei Yue Shang Bei Yi Zhong Jie Jin Guang De Gan Jue
Zi You Shi Meng Xiang Wu Bian Wu Ji De Neng Yuan
Wo Gan Fei You Meng Jiu Zhui Yi Zhong Jiao Ao Zun Yan De Mei
Ju Da De Kao Yan Xian Zai Jiu Yao Kua Yue

Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Wo Xiang Fei
Zhui Zhui Zhui Zhui Zhui Jue Bu Hou Tui
Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Fei Wo Xiang Fei Ya (Wo Xiang Fei)

Wo Yao Yong Li Fei Bu Guan You Duo Yuan
Chao Y? Le Ji xian TIao Zhan De Mao Xian
Wo Yao Yong Gan Zhui Ben xiang Dao Zhong Dian
Tong Guo De Lei Shui Huai Lai Shi Tian Mei

Wo Yao Fei

Wo Yao Fei

Dear the man in the mirror,

You did not just simply choose the name Zephyr for yourself for nothing.
You wanted to fly free, following the gentle west wind around the world.
You wanted to see the world, explore it's magnificent wonders endlessly.

Without bound,
Without chains,
Without worries.

But why is it the higher you fly, the more you want to be chain to the grounds?
Perhaps I am more like a kite, the higher I go, the more I see.
But once I lose my ties to the ground, the wind will no longer carry me above,
But drop me down to the harsh and solid earth.

Which is a good thing I guess. Once cannot be too carefree after all.

Fairy Tale?

Kah Yean posted this link on Facebook. I like how harmonize it was with the violin and trumpet. Really reminds me of the time spend in Studio 1 back in KYS. =')

This song has always affected me, into believing that fairy tales can exist. Even now as I am losing hope, it gives me the strength to go on, to believe that it still exist somewhere.

PS: Mute the song track on the right panel of this blog first. =)

White bats

I was dancing on the dance floor,

Pumped with adrenaline and carefree though I wonder why,

I wasn't like this the year before,

Oh wait, there isn't any guilt this time,

Nothing to care for, nothing to worry about,

I'm single.

Does it always feels this awesome?

And I have chosen to ignore it for so long?

And then there came a vision of a 'white bat',

As I close my eyes to the rhythm of the floor,

And I dance with you, smiling.

Perhaps a lie isn't so bad after all.

=)

For once I smile in months

PS: Happy Birthday Sash! Hope you enjoy the Russian Standard I bought you. And remember, its only for you. NO ONE ELSE should take a sip out of it!

Of Paramore and the most expensive breakup so far =)

19th November 2010

Paramore came. We went. Its AWESOME!
Opening act was great with B.O.B around and when its the last song for him (Yup you guessed it!), its Airplane! Hayley came in with a very thick white coat. Very unusual but listening to it live, really makes me wanna cry. The song Airplane means so much to me as it brings back memories, as well as hopes I used to have.

The rest of it was simply singing to the songs I knew, even though I did not know most of the song's titles. But hey, what can you expect from someone that doesn't really follow up on artist and so on, but just generally likes music but not really into it.

For me, music is a part of life and I listen to those that affect me the most at various part of my life. Happy, Emo, Sad, Mad.. anything. Music simply is.

Will post more about it when I have time =) As well as upload some pictures.

Next up, expensive breakup. @.@

I need something else to focus my mind on, instead of just looking and thinking about it each and everyday. Since I came back to Manchester, I thought Uni work would be sufficient to keep my mind off it, but apparently not. Spare time, in between, whenever I see stuffs, I'll think of last year memories that I had while walking past those places. The 'phone call rush', chasing buses or simply was a place I normally walk past at 4pm (11pm-12am MY Time) when I'm calling.

I seriously needed something new, somewhere that I am not familiar with.

Which ended up with Magic The Gathering. >.< I last played this game 3 years ago in high school. Was into casual tournaments for a while FNM (Friday Night Magic) for quite some time and the best ever achievement I ever had was 2nd place (after Ban Lee Lim). Almost gotten first once! And you know how addictive it is to buy cards.

Let me put it this way, A pack of cards which contains 15 random cards. My hands get itchy just by thinking of it. I want to open packs and see what that I manage to pull out from the booster pack. And when buying the whole box is way cheaper, things just got worse.

Its a never ending cycle, the more I buy, the more I want to buy. =/ Thats why I stopped last time. Its getting too expensive for me to play. But now with all the money I have, money seem not to be the issue.

I'm getting poorer and poorer each day but well, it does do its job fairly well at making me think of cards instead of people =).

Gotta sign off now, still need to prepare my profile for MBS new website. I'm amazed they are making a student profile for the undergraduate page. Its an honour that they selected me =)

After a while =)

I've tend not to erase someone from my memories even when I want to. I still remember the last one that I said so was to Ika. =) I really didn't want to think about it, but after all this years I've realised, I just couldn't stop. Not in that particular way but when I was with Tian Feng, I used to compare the two all the time.

That is just because they are the exact opposite of each other.

One with a I don't care attitude, its up to you,

One cares absolutely about everything, always in control,

One texts a lot, the other doesn't,

One revere in contact, the other in mind.,

But what they both share in common was their beautiful smiles.

After 5 months, I thought it would be better now. At least we can talk a bit right? However its still the usual yes, no , urm. And I'm always the one who initiates the conversation. I don't blame anyway, people takes time.

I have given up hope on getting her back and just plan to leave it as time passes by. 

But I don't know why I still feel sad whenever I see her uncomfortable. I still do worry a lot.

But I can't deny that it is a wonderful experience, to be just in the mind.

I've learnt quite a lot. Its about giving in, take one step behind from both sides.

If you have the will to it, no one could stop you. Its just that my will to have and the will to protect contradicts each other.

I think I have continue to care for my ex-es, which is just Ika and Tian Feng whether I realised it or not. Its just a subconscious effect I suppose.

But one think, I learn from my mistakes. And looking back since 2007, how stupid have I been. Running away from my girlfriend just because I could stand 'not being free' and pressure from my mum, trying to fall in love again just to escape the previous one, waiting just because I hope that it will be okay.

2009 was great, I took it slow. But when its time whether you lose it or fight for it. I choose to fight for it despite my confusions whether its true or not. I glad I did, otherwise I wouldn't have grown mentally.  

Summer 2010 was more of a soul searching time for me. A part from the vacation trips, I made an effort to see all the people that I have once had crushes for, or I have been in a relationship with.

It showed me how I have change throughout the years, what lies I have been telling myself, what mistakes I have done and the most important one, reigniting the memories of the past.

I am what I am today, because of my past as well as my present.

If I were to relive the past again, I think I'll still make the same decision I have made back then. I need it in order to grow and understand. Otherwise the current Adrian will be just a foolish person.

To live, learn and die =)

Isn't that what its all about?

=)

Newham College effect =)

Makes me jealous for a sec, then remember that this used to happen.

Hopefully, memories and feelings will soon past

Talking to the Moon~

While I'm listening to Bruno Mars song Talking to the Moon, I often imagine myself as Hou Yi. Looking up to the bright clear sky, wishing for his dear Chang Er.

I seem to be less comfortable around girls now, new girls especially. I seem to feel afraid that I might fall for one of them. Oh why do I bother with such things right now though.

2nd year Uni is H-A-R-D! So many deadlines coming up! Now I know why Osaki complained about the coursework last year. Its just too many!

And I still havent found the 'mood' to study yet or start my work.

Gosh. Am I dooming myself?

-Just another ranting-

Back to Manchester, feelings?

Freshers week is over, 

First week of lectures is over,

Officially back to uni mood..

All seems good, its just another year. Hanging with the first year right now. Helping them to adapt to their new surrounding.

Everyday I try to forget memories of the past, trying to fall again. But no, each time I look another, your face appears in my mind. 

Weird, silly, memories. Hope time can heal me faster this time.

Went for Detention : Back to School organised by MUCSS. Its great =P Love the company and all. Must go again next year ^^

Private Bloggy

OK, blog has turn private cause I want to keep stalkers away. Another reason is because I don't want the world to know that this Adrian Koay that they knew keeps breaking down now and then.

I bet it would be an eye sore to see 'this particular guy' rambling each day.

Under the influence of Disbelief and Hatred, I once again hurt the person I care. I feel very bad now but at that moment, I was just caring for myself. An selfish act.

Don't want to talk about it anymore. I've shed enough tears, think more than I should have, and been in depressed for a long time.

Time to wake up Ady!

Attempt no. 2

-Untitled Post-

I miss the time when someone told me you cried, because you rejected me.

I tried so hard to remember how we initially got close. It was through wake up calls in the morning that we initially became more than friends.

I miss the time where we would just be next together, not speaking but just enjoying each other’s company.

I tried so to convince myself, it’s not your fault. But deep down inside, I can’t accept that you only want to look at one side of the coin and not both.

I miss the time where you would walk in front of me, and I would follow obediently like a puppy following its Master.

I tried so hard to convince myself, if the reason is because you have doubts or because you lack the courage, I’ll wait for the day to come when you would think otherwise.

But since you believe it won’t come. Therefore it won’t be.

This makes me regret of starting it in the first place. Cause you gave it up halfway.

I don’t blame anyone. I’m just disappointed in myself.

This is the last post of this blog before it turns private

Preserving or Breaking it up?

Should I preserve the memories of old, or break it all up as it was a lie. That words were just lies to push me further apart?

I don't have the appetite.
I don't have the strength at night.
I don't have the courage to see.

Pretend

If you pretend long enough, would the lie eventually become a reality?

ONCE: Falling Slowly

This song is just amazing =)

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Love me while you need me~

Found this statement on my friend's MSN status which make me think for quite some time.


If I have no need of you, why do I approach you, why do I care for you, why do I suffer for people when I put myself in pain?


Love is universal and abundant. We can give it endlessly without ever running out of it.


So is help. We help those in need that requires that assistant more than us.


The simple mind will accept that it is an unselfish act, and it is the thing to do.


The complex mind will doubt saying, why are we doing this without anything in return? There is no equivalent exchange in this.


The simple mind will argue that life will repay us back in the future (An uncertain promise)


The complex mind will try to argue that it is not true, but loses in the end as you can't argue on something uncertain.


The simple mind wins.


And the cycle repeats itself. However when people need our help, they will be nice to us. Suddenly that long forgotten 'Hi' is heard again.


And once again the heart falls down, delighted by the sound, even when the mind knows it is of the trickster's tricks.


So love me when you need me, whilst you still do.


Cause that's the only way I can get close to you, whilst the pain is yet to appear.

小

Being little, the small figure that would pass by unnoticed.
Small but with many hopes and many dreams,
Sit down in a corner,
Waiting to be crushed by the world,
Cause there is no more faith,
Nor hope in being '小'.

UK

Simple list before going to the UK

1. Clothings! Lots of them =)

- Forget about winter clothes, you can get there and its more fashionable than the one we have here

- Loads of undergarments

- Scaf if you want. I brought one but hardly use it.

- Socks! Loads of them. Nice to keep your feet warm and well, you hardly wear any flipflops!

2. Toiletries (Enough said, bring one to last you for 2 weeks to one month)

3. Money! Never forget this important bit. Your bank account might take ages to open. What I did was sign up for the Advantage Blue (For students) as Natwest so that my bank account was open on that day itself and then my cheque was cleared 6 days later. If you go through the normal route like one of my friend did, she only got her account open 2 week after my bank account was opened and she applied a week before me! And not to mention that your cheque will take some time to clear. I brought £300 with me but its advisable to bring more. Just hunt for those cheap foods and go to Tesco or Asda. Start to self cook A.S.A.P! Pasta will soon bore you thus the reason why I eat rice a lot =D.

4. Electricals?

- Bring some if you want. Just 3 pins please or get a traveller's adapter with you. My 2 Pin Hair dryer went bust 2 days after using it because of the different power supply there. 

- Rice cooker cost from  less than £10 to £15, not much difference. £10 to £15 is the family size. If you want a smaller one it will be cheaper.

5. Pots, Pans, cutleries?

- Bring them if you want. Most uni uses electrical hobs anyway (To prevent fire). I got mine there but it took a while to find them. Get some seniors to help you out in buying those stuffs.

6. Bedsheets + Blankets?

- I don't know but my hall sold duvets and bedsheets upon arrival so practically my blanket was left untouched. Duvets are much more warmer anyway.

7. Medicine!

- NHS is such a bummer that if you don't go for emergency ward, they will take weeks to set up an appointment. So pack those medicines for fever, cold, stomach ache etc.

8. Spices! 

- You can get them in Chinatown or some Pakistani area but bring some of your favourites! 

- Get a lot of perencah =)

- Chicken stocks are available there so don't worry.

9. Credit CHECK!

- Okay most of you won't be familiar with this but this gave us a heck of a problem back then. You see when you want to sign up for contract (phone especially) they will run this credit check on you. Since you have never been in the UK or at least spend in the last 3 months, your credit check will be ZERO! So they can't give you a contract at all. 

- The alternative is to go on a contract sim card plan for about 3 months before you can sign up for a contract or pay a deposit (Normally £200. Some telco provides this, so ask!) and sign the contract as normal.

- Some people didn't get those at all. Lucky them.

- Another thing to take NOTE is that they will have to run an address check. So make sure you get your address right and if you are staying in Halls, normally it won't be much of a problem. 

Thats all that I could think of for now. Will update the list soon!


-UPDATED LIST-
10. Fans
- Sometimes it can get stuffy in your room and you don't want to open the window cause its too chilly in your room. The heater has to be on otherwise you will be frozen to death.
- Get a Fan if you must or open the window slightly.
- A fan cost around £15 -£25 one at ARGOS or CURRY.


11. Money
- Well normally don't bring more than £20 unless you want to go shopping for stuffs.
- Hide it in your room (Obviously) and scatter it around different places. I know its something that you have been told repeatedly but I just have to make a note on this.


12. Snacks
- Keep snacks in your room! If you are hungry sometimes you don't want to leave your room to go out and buy stuffs since its chilly and shops closes pretty early in the UK. 
- Another thing to note that during Freshers week / Orientation week. Most people will get drunk either in your kitchen playing drinking games or by going out to the club/bar. If you want to avoid the scene in the kitchen, just keep some food in your room. Don't worry, the temperature in autumn is cold enough.
- Or avoid them coming back to the halls. =P


13. Opening a BANK ACCOUNT
- Get a letter from uni that is addressed to the bank you want to open with.
- Get multiple banks letters, normally available at the Student Service department at your uni. This allows flexibility and option for you to choose.
- What's suppose to be in that letter are: your name, term address and a statement stating you are a university student. 
- Photocopies of your passport INCLUDING the back page where your signature lies.
- Bring loads of passport size photograph of yourself. (Useful for railway card application etc, a quick snapshot at the photo booth will cost you £5)


14. Tumbler or water bottle. 
- Bits me but I can hardly find any except for flask sold in Manchester. ='( So bring a water bottle with you. I'm know I'm doing that this year.
- The water bottle that I can find is either too big or its metal like a flask. So if you aren't picky with it, then you don't have to worry.
-But if you are.... Better bring one =.=


15. For Londoners
- Get an Oyster Card asap. (Or a map of London)
- The charge for a single ticket via the tube is so expensive. I got charge £4 for a single trip from Euston to Bayswater when its only £1.80 on Oyster card. 
- You pay a £3 (I think) deposit for the card and you can get it back. Register it so you still can claim ur money if you lose it somehow.
- Public bus (Yes its those Red London Bus!) uses Oyster card so you have to have one if you want to use the bus. (Not so sure if they are any that doesn't use the Oyster card)
- Londoners prefer to walk and don't be surprise when they say its close, within walking distance and you end up walking 40 minutes! YES! That's close for them ='(


3rd UPDATE? 
16. Umbrella
- Saw a post on facebook which reminded me of the umbrella incident. Depending on where you are, I can say that umbrella vs. the british win is futile. You'll get them upside down most of the time and they will get spoil pretty quick. 
- So get yourself a hoodie. The rain doesn't last that long anyway. Just a drizzle.


17. Flu shot
- Get yourself vaccinated. During fresher's week, a lot of people tend to catch a cold coined 'fresher's flu' somehow. Its better to be prepared.=) 

Epilogue

Wanderings the Gaelic shores,

A lone druid, who was once two,

Far have I travelled this abundant shore,

Listening to tales of travellers,

Reciting some of my own,

Observing the movement of the earth,

Combined with the flow of nature,

Had me thinking of Oneness,

That everything happens for a reason,

And we are insignificant to the flows of the universe,

For what is a drop of water in the flow of a river,

It will continue flowing with or without our presence,

But the universe will be less without us,

As so the river less full without that drop of water,

We live and die as season changed,

We live, we love, we learnt to let go,

Cause after all,

Its just another phase of life,

Where the mysteries of life is unfold.

Travelling has taught me something. The journey is what matters, not the destination. I've spend too much time planning for the future, that I have neglected the path which lies before me. I've realised my shortcomings, my falls and my tendency to fall.

Quotes and sayings were there to guide me, to brighten my path, my quest. As I am at the end of it, I see it as just the beginning.It's just another chapter of my life closing, but this time without ignorance. This chapter closed with understanding and a feeling of peace.

Sometimes we do not get over things, but we still have to move on. We go under, sidewise, or just go in a different direction. There are no benefit gained from staring at a closed window cause there are many more which are open to us. Be thankful that you manage to get a glimpse of what's on the other side of that window. Be thankful that you can be a passerby in another world filled with mystery.

I care a lot about my friends and I'm glad they are there for me.

To Zafirah Munawar, thank you so much! ^^ You are always there to lend a gentle listening ear.

To Ika Hadilah, I wish you well on your future undertakings and thanks for the talk. No one dies a virgin cause life really does screw us up. I do agree on it but it matters how we deal with it. How we face tomorrow.

To Zhao Han, thanks for showing me that life's hard and we have to live with it. Looking at you complaining about your life just reminds me that its the same everywhere, every task we undertook and so, is hard but it is how we toughen up.

These are the particular few that I have to meet in this 'quest'. I need answers and they have helped me to find the answer. I often question myself WHY? But now I know, or at least I perceive to know.

Life is just as it is, never better nor worse. That is what makes it worth living for.

Dreams~

Remember those places you want to see,
when you are all grown up?

Remember those things you want to do,
when you have the chance?

Remember those sparkle stars that you want to hold,
when you can reach them?

Remember, Remember....

Sometimes we think too much. Sometimes we worry too much. I believe it is true. When we are dreaming, we are not afraid to do anything. We are not afraid to make the choices that we will regret in reality, nor afraid to strive a bit further. We don't doubt out capabilities, nor do we fear the consequences.

We fly, We fall, We die, We live it all over again. We do what our inner desires tells us to do. It's like we are a complete different person, maybe we are. Its not reality after all.

Sometimes I wish that I be the one in my Dreams. Fearless, courageous, independent, decisive, daring.....

But dreams are just dreams, even if we strive to make in into reality, there are always external forces. It can be near perfection, but never identical to our dreams.

Cause the two worlds can never coexist. =) Reality and Virtual is different for a cause.

Congratulations =)

I would like to dedicate this post to a certain someone that has gotten what he/she wanted. =) Jiayou on the next endeaveour!

Back to Square one

'It feels so right, so warm and true...'

Simplicity at it best, I'm a happy go lucky guy!

Truth

'The belief must be true,

and the truthfulness must be justified.'

(Ikujiro Nonaka on Justified truth belief)

“There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths.”

(Whitehead, 1954)

Nonaka state in her paper that, we define Knowledge as:

“A dynamic human process of justifying personal belief towards the truth.

What is left or right, what is up or down. It is only something that all of us belief in. A justified truth belief. Language itself is a medium where truth itself is heavily justified.

Therefore when one ask what is reality, what exactly is reality?

When one person says that truth hurts, is it truth or lies that is hurting us?

Have a thought =)

Hate

I hate to walk by,

Those glimmering jewellery shop,

Looking at diamond rings,

Which glitters like the stars.

I hate to walk by souvenirs stores,

Looking at plushies and what not,

Thinking how cute they are,

Or how lovely it is to be hugged.

I hate to walk by Secret Recipe,

Eating my favourite cheese cake,

New York Cheese, Blueberry Cheese, Marble Cheese,

Cause it brings back memories.

I hate to eat my Dark Chocolate now,

As I know I've once shared it with another,

The dark temptation, The bitter taste,

Has only gone from bitter sweet to plain o' bitter.

I hate to go to Malacca,

Although there are many memories there,

A huge chunk of my life resolves there,

But it hurts to step foot there.

I hate I hate I hate,

I just a temporary feeling,

For I am I,

Things will never change.

I will once again wander around jewellery shops,

Buying plushies cause they are cute,

Eating a slab of dark chocolate and a slice of cheese cake,

Stepping down to Malacca cause there lies my alma matter.

Sometimes its nice to dwell in fantasies,

But it has always been a dream,

I can't differ between the two,

As both are important to me.

Maybe I will learn to love again,

Maybe I will not,

Maybe is such a dangerous word,

Maybe I am just playing with fire.

But hate nor like nor love,

Is just another feeling that shapes us,

An infinite feeling,

Chained within us.

Letting it go

It's fading,

The passion sublime,

The memories kept,

In its infinite care.

I look elsewhere,

Distracting myself from you,

I try to look strong,

Simply because I have to.

Each day I let it go,

Little by little,

Till its nearly gone,

But I know one thing.

I will only truly let go,

When the time has pass,

And I meet you face to face,

And tell you 'I'm over with it'

=)

Currently in Malacca and will then move on to Johor to see Zaffy! =D

This is gonna be Legen.....*Wait for it*..... Dary!

PS: HIMYM, Please come out as soon as possible with a new season!

Muse- Time is Running Out

A classic song... Oh why do you have to do it in MANCHESTER on the 4th of SEPTEMBER? I'm not back in England yet!

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be the death of me
you will be the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
you'd never dream of
breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this?
ooooohh

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
ooooohh