Sometimes you just wanna cry

*Editors note, all those who are referred to here are altered by name. The author does not blame them nor is he talking behind their back. He understands that each people have their personality, thoughts and objectives and thus knows that its only in human that we do mistake. Please do not be offended by anything written in this post. It is from MY point of view and from my thoughts.*

Sometimes in my life I just want to break down and cry. Standing loosely on the earth with the shadowy clouds above my head, where the moon shines gently on me, understanding my pain. Wouldn't that be lovely even when life is againts you?

Sadly, honeymoon period is over in Uni. Even when I was meeting deadlines and submitting my assignment and getting excellent reports back, its beginning to fumble now.

It started with group presentation where everyone was panicking as the deadline was tomorrow, and not two weeks later which everyone in the cohort assumed. Note that I used the word assumed as our Academic Tutor did ask us to double check the dates. Sadly none of us did. =S

I was fine with the deadlines, nothing is the matter with it as my slides are ready and I just need them to have a mock practise and scrub ourselves from there. But to my horror, this situation appeared.

****************** STARTING OF STORY, PART ONE*****

Me: The presentation is tomorrow, can we have our mock practise session tonight?
A : Sorry I have an important date tonight, I can't attend.
B : I have to go to the gym later and I will be tired so I won't be able to come.

*Okay, its an important date and well if they are not willing to sacrifice such things for our presentation, what can I do about it eh? Mind you, the presentation is 45% of my module mark. FOURTY FIVE PERCENT! Thats a whole lot!!!*

Me: Okay fine, when are you free then?
A : We can have a practise session tomorrow at 8am, before lectures starts.
Me: Okay, I'm fine with that. Everyone else okay with it?
C : Sorry I can't come. I need to eat breakfast and my hall serves it at 7.45am.

*Faints*

****************** END OF PART ONE******************************************

Seriously, I can deal with dates if they want. But Breakfast because your hall serves you at that time? Can't you get a sandwich or something, heck I could even cook for you if you want so! But in the end, the presentation got postpone. Got a heck of scolding from Pedro because of it but as a Student Rep, that is what I am expected of I guess. But later then when I ask can we have our practise session, everyone was saying.....

"Its due in two weeks time, We'll do it next week."

Gosh! Procastination is what got 1/2 of the cohort in this mess in the first place, and now we want to procastinate again? =S

***** STARTING OF STORY, PART TWO*****

Business and Application Design. Had a 40 minutes pointless discussion where only the last 5 minutes matter.

ME: I've set up the buttons and layout. Is there anything you want to change, for example the button's name cause I just named it and will change it later.

*Have a 35 minutes argument of what suppose to be the buttons/link where they wanted 'that' and not what I put, when I told them its fine cause 'this' is just a dummy. Clearly they didn't understand that so it when on and on and on........*

Thursday, was dead tired and wanted to sleep after QUANTS. X called me and ask are we doing the website or not? I was almost at my door so I turned back, walked my way to the MBS computer cluster. Only to find X leaving us guys behind 15 minutes later cause she has to go to work for at 2pm, and mind you it was 10am at that time and she left just because I didn't bring my hard drive. =S I live 2 minutes to that building and you can't wait 2 minutes just to do the job you CALLED me too? =X Sorry but in my humble opinion, I think that sucks.

So later on Friday I asked X to do a UML Diagram for the presentation. We had a guest French lecturer where no one was paying attention *Well some might, including me*, and I personally requested Nikolay to repeat that lesson when he came back. And guess whats the answer I received,

X : Sorry but I have no idea how to do it.
ME : Erm, learn how to do it? We had two lectures on it, one by the french lecturer and one by Nikolay this week.
X : Ah, the French lecturer *giggles*. But still I don't know how to do it and I will be away this weekend.
ME : Just do it, please?

Having doubts in X, I asked another colegue of mine to do it. He told me he didn't know how to do it but when I said it was in the slides, he said he will take a look and try to do it.

Less 'excuses' and more trying to do. I like this. Seriously if you don't know how to, learn how to. If you missed it, try to learn it some other way. I don't want to be seem pushy but sometimes, people just don't get it. Since you are the expert, you are expected to do everything. Once again this Website + Presentation is a whole 40% (FOURTY PERCENT) of my module mark. I would love to spilt the job to everyone but somehow they just pushed it back to me =(.

***** END OF PART TWO*****

Okay, so I am worried that I might not be able to achieve my 60% afterall with this kind of team. =X I want a First and not just a 2nd upper but it seems hard with everyone trying to get just a PASS. No spirit or hardwork cause they just want a pass. For Freak sake, if I don't get 60% I'll get send back to Malaysia!

****** STARTING OF STORY, PART THREE*****
Londoners were coming to Manchester. Great! I said to myself, one weekend which I could enjoy. Sadly after a busy day I came back with a question asked to me on skype.

'Blackpool this Saturday with the Londoners, are you coming?'

I mean, its not that Blackpool Pleasure Beach ain't fun, its just that Hariz and I already have something planned for the Londoners which includes, Rusholme, Old Trafford MU tour, Trafford Center, Christmas Market, Piccadilly and Piccadilly Garden.

So basically Blackpool kinda screw those plans off. But its okay, if they are fine with it then why not. So I replied "Yeah, sure. Who's buying the ticket?". Guess what I got for reply?

S :I bought the tickets online already.
ME: Did you buy mine?
S : No I didn't. I tried to ask you earlier on skype but since you didn't reply, I thought you weren't coming.
ME: ..........

I later on bought the tickets before realizing that I have AGM on that day. Bought Dee's as well so thats £20 wasted on the drain. =S Its freaking RM100++ man!

Nevermind, Chill.... it's just money. Its your mistake for not remembring that there is AGM.

But then came Saturday. Slept at Dee's common room at 3am because of Mike's birthday. (Happy Birthday again Mike!) Woke up at half past eight and went to the station with Hariz to pick Farhanah, Belle and Mai. Went back to sleep later and woke up at 12.30pm before I prepare myself and go to Sackville Building for the AGM. To cut short, I wasted 3 hours there and a possible trip to Blackpool because it was cancelled and postpone due to some miscommunication. Can't blame them but this just adds to my discomfort.

At night, S text me and said that they are going Rusholme. I asked:

ME: Aren't we suppose to go to Christmas Market? Didn't you just go to Rusholme yesterday?
S : Some just arrive today and I think they should go and eat at the restaurant at Rusholme.
ME: *Feeling pretty pissed* Well IF you want to follow the ORIGINAL PLAN and go to the Christmas Market, then text me when you guys arrived. Otherwise, good night. Cause Rusholme is open till 3am and Christmas Market is open till 10pm.

S decided to go to the Christmas Market. I went to pick up Dee cause I had her buzzer thingy. When I texted S where she was, she replied Market Street and she will text us the exact location when we arrive at Market Street. So there we were at Market Street and all we got was ' At the Santa Claus in front of the Christmas Tree'. Great! Since when there is a Christmas Tree in Market Street.

So Dee and I search for it, up till a point we gave up. We tried texting S cause non of us could call but no reply. 1 and a half hour later we got a phone call. We asked them where they were and S replied at the Christmas Tree. I asked which Christmas Tree cause at the end of Market Street, there are roads to the left or to the right. Then S just said Christmas Tree. I asked her again whether it is at Market Street or Piccadilly Gardens. Then suddenly A said on the other end of the phone, S we are at Albert Square, not Market Street.

"£$%%^&* All this time they were at the Christmas Market while we were freezing at Market Street looking for them for 1.5 hours. Believe me, the rain didn't help either. But its okay, it is norm for human to make mistakes. So A asked me do I want to join them for dinner at Aghan's at Rusholme. I said okay and asked what time are you going to? He said now, so off Dee and I went to Rusholme.

We reached there at 9.30pm but they only arrived an hour later. Bus delayed due to the Eid celebration. The celebration is weird here but futher comments on that. A text would be greatly appreciated if there were any but there was none. Dee and I just sat there, waiting for them to come.

They came an hour later and we had a fantastic dinner. But Dee and I felt like we wasted a lot of time just wasting by waiting. Dee could have been doing uni work or watching a movie with Mike, Tom and the rest while I could be at Laura's celebrating both Michelle's and Latrisha's combined birthday party. Not to mention assignments to worry about. But I couldn't blame them. Bus were not coming according to schedule and there was the traffic.
****************** END OF PART THREE******************************************

So everything combined together just makes me feel like bursting out, crying down. I would be great to have a shoulder to cry on but for me, I can only cry alone. Its sad but true.

I know human makes mistakes and we are all here to improve. But sometimes its just too much for me to take. I breakdown and I collapse, thats me.

And for that, I cry for the first time in the last 6 months.