I remember saying this..

I don't want tags, for those who are just in for the sake of 'it'. I want something that is pure and consistent, that we don't need a tag to remind us of what we meant to each other. Buddies, Pals, Besties, GF/BF , BBF whatnot.

Say it with me~

Say it with me,
Say ha ha ha~
Say it with me,
Say la la la~


Say it with me, say it with me,
Cause I just want you to know.

Here and now, there and then,
These little thoughts, is creeping in my head,
These little sounds, of what could have been,
Are turning to what it could be...


Say it with me,
Say ha ha ha~
Say it with me,
Say la la la~


Say it with me, say it with me,
Cause I just want you to know.

Come a little closer baby,
These last few days has been a little crazy,
I upside down and all around,
I think I'm falling down.


Say it with me,
Say ha ha ha~
Say it with me,
Say la la la~


Say it with me, say it with me,
Cause I just want you to know.

Inside out, up and down,
I'm jumping around, flinging all around,
You're not in my sight, but does it matters,
Cause as long as you know I'm fine~


Say it with me,
Say ha ha ha~
Say it with me,
Say la la la~


Say it with me, say it with me,
Cause I just want you to know.

Don't know what to say

Sometimes people tell you one thing, force it into your head, and you believe them.

Right after that, they start doing things totally opposite of what they have just told you.

Now, what should I believe in now?

Hate pretenders, if you are so from the start, tell me instead of just pretending to get my favour.

I dreamt a dream =]

Love the giggles when you wake up from a funny dream, or that fast pacing moments when something from your Book of Terror chases you.

But what if you woke up with a contended smile and a heavy sigh?

This was just that particular dream.

I was with this girl. She seems resemble someone from my past *Name will henceforth be H, as I know that person hates me by now*. She was blind and we were dating each other. Ignoring her disability, I continue to shower her with care and it was bliss.

Till..

We were going to the cinema to watch a movie and I bump into a group of friends. Friends I rarely talk to but could we could all rely on each other since we share a common history *ehem, KYS*. And I began to talk to this guy, A. To be honest, this guy got kicked out from KYS back then and at first I find him kind of snoobish, but when I was 'rising', he began to mingle around with me. [I guess back then, jocks mingle with you once you turn semi-jock.].

Back to the story...

We talked and talked. It's been years since we have last seen each other and somehow in the mist of that, I forgot about H. When I remember and say goodbye to A and went to look for H. She was sitting down, facing a huge green teddy bear. [Don't ask me why it was green. Maybe it was because both our favourite colour were green]. She was talking to it, telling IT her secrets and her hopes, crying in between.

I felt bad, terribly bad. 

She was still there, waiting for someone that had abandoned her.

How could I have left her? Forgotten about her to talk to some acquaintance of mine?

I went towards her and she looked at me. Staring back at me was that angry stare of her's, normally accompanied with a silent hmpffff. I said nothing and hug her closely, bringing her small little head towards my chest.

And that is when I woke up.


Which had me saying, 'H, I'm sorry for that one time I let you down.'

I cried a while and I wonder. Is this my subconscious mind telling me what I have known all this while? Don't be Mr. Nice Guy and be friendly and helpful to everybody, cause that one person won't feel special at all. And whilst you are out there helping others, she is back there all alone, snuggling that one little thing you bought for her.

I remember how she cherish that promise ring that wasn't worth much. And I remember how we would travel distance just to meet up with each other. And then I recall the times where she would calmly scold me for sending her gifts from halfway across the globe, while secretly smiling when she read the notes and cards I sent her.

'This dream had reminded me on how precious things are to me. And how ignorant I have been of them. They should not be treated equally and Adrian, you have to learn how to differentiate these needs.'

I'm still waiting for that one day where I can sit and enjoy the sunset with the person I love.

Sunrise was a bitch but we had fun = ]

PS: I am surprise that the blind girl resembles H. It was so long ago but I guess that was one of my biggest regret. It wasn't a mistake but I wish it could have ended somewhat happier.

The List

I'm thinking of doing something at the moment.

It shall be called THE LIST.

I'll be interviewing some friends for this 'project'. So don't be surprise that I'll actually go and find you!

Sincerely,
Adrian

Indecision

Part 1

2 Episodes down and I'm still not done watching Single Father ='[. Its so sad and heartbreaking that I don't really feel like watching it. 

It makes me cry every single time ='[

Anyway, this is gonna be a random post.

Part 2

Remember the time when we get kisses? (Hersheys?)

Sweet innocent moments that goes like this;

Boy: I'm gonna give you 10 kisses!

Girl: I'm gonna give you 20 kisses!

Boy: Then, I'll give you 30 kisses!

Teacher: You guys are two young to be kissing.

Girl and Boy both turn and look at their Teacher.

Boy: We're talking about Hershey kisses Ma'am. We are both chocolate addicts.

=____=

Part 3

*typo in the picture, risk not rish, but its the underlying message that counts*

I miss being a teen, in high school where everything is simple.

Part 4

Sentimental, Honest, Patient, Insecure 

I'm really that huh? =S

Part 5

Seriously, I have to open up. But the what ifs really do terrifies me. I really need a little bit of 勇气 right now.

But Dude, you've been trying for so long. Like really....

Stop Dazing already! I sometimes thing Realist thinks to much. About probabilities, futures, options, current scenario. Sometimes I wish I'm a little more adventurous. Not afraid to jump into something knowing it might not work, just for the heck of it. 

Funny thing is, I'm a 'Yes' man. I can't really say 'No' to anyone if I can help it. 

I guess its more of me being like this :

But who's gonna be there for me?

With my feelings, its always 'It's not possible', 'No, it wouldn't work' etcetera.

Three times I took the leap of faith and went against my own principal. I wonder will there be a forth?

Part 6

Part 7

=)

Every new day of my life, is another day worth smiling.

A little

Just a little, I'm feeling a bit jealous =[. Green eye monster me. Boo hoo! 

写比讲好...

她说，只有孤独的男孩玩DOTA的。但是，我觉得打的是释放压力的好办法。跑来跑去，像一个白痴喊，杀了这里，死在这里，很好玩了！
我慢慢地滑了我的话，希望不要是显而易见的。一起打篮球，喝酒，跳舞，四处走走，这是生活中的所有简单的事情。
幸福是很容易的。这一点，我相信。 = D


来吧，我们一起笑！


哈哈！！
哈哈！！
*由于胃抽筋笑太多*
哈哈~


我没事，你不用担心我。时间不会完全愈合，但我已经移动。

Look for a star~

Happiness, we have to grab it ourself, isn't that so?
I'll reach out my hands, and grab the imaginary 'you' in front of me.
I know I am out of your league, but one day I'll stand in front of your doorstep,
Holding a single red rose, confessing my love to you,
Hoping that you would to say '小 笨 蛋, 你这样做，我很高兴'...

But alas I'll just have to wait.
I used to wait for a perfect time, just to say it all out.
I am a perfectionist after all! 哈哈！
I've tried to jump in, to not wait for 'it'.
Nevertheless, it ended horribly.

So this time, I'll make it right,
I'll plan, coordinate the perfect date,
But whatever goes wrong, I'll improvise!
So that it will still be perfect in our eyes.

我不希望在英语语言说“我爱你”...
因为它让我想起一个痛苦的经历，
这就是为什么我会说'我爱你“，而不是 'I love you',
我真的很想再相信爱情
上帝，请给我勇气。

A tale of fishes, bears, koala, cats, dogs and monkeys

I need to find people who like humans =P. Period. 

Blood Type A

Best Traits: Conservative, introverted, reserved, patient and punctual. Perfectionists.
Worst Traits: Obsessive, stubborn, self conscious and uptight.

Just to repeat that: While outwardly calm, they have such high standards (perfectionists) that they tend to be balls of nerves on the inside. Type A's are the most artistic of the blood groups. They can be shy, are conscientious, trustworthy, and sensitive.

Population

Roughly 34% of the world is A +ve and 6% A -ve.

Traits

Obedient, Careful, Sympathetic, Self-Sacrificing, Polite, Honest, Loyal,  Emotional, Introverted & Nervous.

Are reserved calm and even tempered. Sensitive to public opinion. May be Introverted, shy and nervous or ill at ease with others. May be Pessimistic. Value relationships and are loyal. Hesitant to change. Nature lovers and dislike crowds - need a private place or secret hideaway. Can be indecisive. Good at team work and obey rules.

Dislike to touch or be touched by others.


[I guess trying several times to change my personality isn't going to work. I've tried to be somebody else to run away from myself, but it terrifies people around me. ='[ ]

From another viewpoint: 


Speaking broadly, it is said that people with Type A Blood are calm, composed, and very level-headed and serious. They have a firm character, and are reliable and trustworthy (and hardheaded). They think things over and make plans deliberately, and they plug away at things steadily and assiduously. They try to make themselves more like their own ideal of what they should be. A Types may look aloof or distant to others. They try to suppress their own emotions, and because they have continual practice in doing this, this makes them appear strong. But, actually, they have a fragile, nervous side, as well. They tend to be hard on people who are not of the same type, and so they consequently tend to be surrounded with people of the same temperament.

People with blood type A have a deep-rooted strength that helps them stay calm in a crisis when everyone else is panicking. However, they tend to avoid confrontation, and feel very uncomfortable around people. A types are shy and sometimes withdrawn. They seek harmony and are very polite, but all the same feel that they never really fit in with others. A types are very responsible. If there is a job to be done, they prefer to take care of it themselves. These people crave success and are perfectionists. They are also very creative, and the most artistic of all the blood types, most likely because of their sensitivity.

From another viewpoint:

Basic personality: you are sensitive, serious, calm, sympathetic, polite, honest, loyal, perfectionist, creative, punctual, reliable, artistic, obsessive, private, introverted, cautious, nervous and responsible.

Your strengths: you are a gentle soul, a natural people person and a good team player. People warm to your quiet, understated manner. You're a bit on the shy side and, while you enjoy the company of others, you also need time on your own. You're the type that always appears calm in a crisis. You never raise your voice, or throw a tantrum. You are very loyal, reliable and conscientious.

Your weaknesses: you often give more of yourself than you get back, and you're not as confident as you appear. In fact, you often feel as if you're not good enough and beat yourself up mentally over imagined weaknesses and failings. Too much stress can leave you feeling worried. You're prone to obsessive-compulsive behaviour and you also tend to suppress your emotions.

Your ideal job: you would be good in any job that requires attention to detail: lawyer, accountant, administrator, graphic artist, web designer, picture restorer, novelist, economist, architect, doctor, nurse, psychologist.

How you love: you have a sensible, traditional approach to love and the idea of marriage and family appeals to you. That's not to say you're immune to passionate affairs, but flighty, unpredictable people (typical type B's) aren't good for your mental health. You want someone as committed as you, so your best match is with another type A or with a type AB who is sensitive like you, but more easy-going.


[Guess I'm still towards the traditional type, flings aren't going to work. I found myself drawn back to wanting a lasting relationship even though I only said I wanted companionship, sigh]

Potential problems: you can be too perfectionist and uptight. Your tendency to repress your emotions could lead to health worries in the long term - for example high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and problems with your digestion.

[Not telling means nothing, nothing means I'm not telling!]

Exercise and wellbeing: you'll benefit from activities and therapies that help you unwind. Choose calming mind/body exercises like yoga, pilates, t'ai chi and qi gong. Also, anything that helps you loosen up generally - walking, golf, hiking and dancing would be great for you. Talk to friends when you feel anxious or worried. If you find it really hard to open up, a course of psychotherapy might help. Massage (aromatherapy and sports) will help to keep you supple.

One question, why I keep on falling for O type people? They are clearly not suitable for me but yet 3 consecutive O type people? 

Oh gawd, hide me from O type people please!

Problem?

Take a jump!

I sometimes wonder, what pushes someone to make the first step?

Courage? Fear? Insecurity? Do or Die situation?

Taking the first step is always the hardest. That's why I scorn when someone says, 'If you take the first step, I'll take the next 99 steps' [Or what so ever similar statement.]

But don't take my word for it. This is just one confuse guy ranting his thoughts out. =]

Whether you want to take a leap of faith, venture into the unknown or just stay comfortable as it is right now, it is wholeheartedly up to you.

Strangers, coldness... was that short period of bliss worth it? I really do wonder. =)

I really should stop spending

Dear ME , 


Please stop buying everything you see and fancy! 


My wallet does not agree with you at the moment.


And regarding food/groceries, please finish up the one in the fridge first!


(ˇ▼ˇ)-C<ˇ_ˇ) Pinch pinch!!!


Yours truly,


Myself.


PS: You better open up 'that' can by next week!!! Stop procrastinating! And then you'll be happy, my wallet will be happy, everyone will be happy. (˛•̃•̃)/\(•̃•̃¸)  *Mimics DW* Happy Happy!


PPS: I'll promise you a treat in January okay? Ice cream craze and a a trip to somewhere special!

Dear....

Every single time when I ask what are you up to or planning to do, you'll reply 'shopping.'

Stop shopping! Argh, I can't keep up with you. =D

真的！我真的不能！

An insecure person can be dangerous.

He's afraid, terrified and lost.

He doesn't know what he wants, nor where he wants to go.

Such thoughts are enfeebling his mind, body and soul.

These past few weeks, I can't really see myself anymore. Things I thought I used to know, people that I used to be with, they all seem so far away. I always thought I could hang on, I could keep hanging on that fine thin thread. But what if it wasn't thin at all? Nor was it a thread?

What if it was only a mist, an imaginary thread?

I think it is dangerous that I'm distancing myself from people. Perhaps I'm leaning more towards the introvert side of myself. Shut myself from the outside world. Trust none. Total shutdown. Aucune aide du tout?

Some people asked me do I trust them?

To be honest, I couldn't bring out that simple 'yes'. Deep inside I don't want to lie, and yet I do not wish to say it out loud. I don't trust anyone. The saddest part is, I don't even trust myself. I'm in doubts at the moment.

It is like the raindrops pouring downon a dark and cloudy night. Thunderstorm hails, quite tropical like in fact. I think that I would be best for me to rely on my human instinct for now. Just for now~ 

Retreat, recoup, and what next?

I seriously don't know. 

Time like this feels like hanging on to the southern wind. Where ever it decides to blow, I'll follow.

I hate the insecurity in me. I hate that I'm doubting myself. 

But most of all, I hate that I'm doubting everyone.

To those who are indirectly or directly affected by my tantrum, I'm not gonna apologize. I have apologize to much so if you can't stand this, please just go away.

2011年9月30日

今晚，是一个有趣的夜晚！遇到很多人。

一起喝酒，一起玩游戏。

玩黑白色，是很好玩的发挥。

但是，当太阳升起，我会看不到你了。

像做梦一样，扑而去。

但是我会说，再见，祝你好运！

我很高兴我遇见了你这样的朋友。 =）