轉

轉：如果有一天，你走进我的心裡，你會哭，因為裡面全是你。如果有一天，我走进你的心裡，我也會哭，因為那裡沒有我。有一天，在喧鬧的城市裡我們擦肩而過，我會停住脚步，凝視那個远去的背影，告訴自己女人我曾經愛過。我以為只要認真地喜歡，就可以打動一個人，原來，卻只打動了我自己。

勁慘。

Taken from Ivya Luan with a slight modification from  '那' to '女' =)

Perfect in the Past

"I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shead a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you"


Miley Cyrus - I Miss You

Ashlee Simpson - Pieces Of Me 

2004, how childish was I back then =']

"i did it on purpose, i want u 2 hate me. sometimes u r juz being too nice that u cant differentiate whether sum1 s being evil 2 u or not."

Its funny how I still kept this email. Sigh, actually to think about it, its not funny at all. I kept it because I want to remember, to never forget every single detail of it. But there's this little thorn inside of me, a hint of regret.

"how can i say diz str8?

im not putting d blame on any1,

i admit, its no one's fault, it juz went off lyk dat n i didnt expect it."

I sometimes laugh at myself. Sometimes in life, the easiest escape is to run. When you have too much pressure, when you don't know what to do, the easiest option is to cut loose. Free yourself from all problems, start a new, never looking back or think about it, ever again.

Easier said than done.

"but talk is cheap, aite? guess i cant do anything bout it anymore, hahaha..."

Those 'hahaha'. must be a hard one to type. The one that eases and numbs the pain. Reminds me of the lyrics from Halfway Gone by Lifehouse ; "Talk , talk is cheap. Give me a word you can keep~"

Sometimes I don't really know what I want. I was lonely and now I have company. But I am still unsatisfied and I still feel lonely. What is missing in my life? I have friends, family, work colleagues, a partner, and a future plan. What exactly is missing?

I think that somehow I know what it is, but yet again I'm a cowardly fool. I am afraid to face my past, of the wrong decisions that I've made. But day after day I still ponder of the question, what if.

So the question is : What should I do if I feel regretful about my past? 

I've tried shutting it away, keeping myself preoccupied but it only works well when I am busy. Every night before I sleep, besides thinking of my loved ones, YOU appear to me, haunting me.

"Remember when I cried to you a thousand times

I told you everything

You know my feelings

It never crossed my mind

That there would be a time

For us to say goodbye

What a big surprise

But I’m not lost

I’m not gone

I haven’t forgot

These feelings I can’t shake no more

These feelings are running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I’m not coming back around

These feelings I can’t take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It’s getting harder to pretend

And I’m not coming back around again

Remember when…"

Avril Lavigne - Remember When

I'll remember our 'tryst'. I miss you dearly. I've move on to try to love another now. But know always you'll be my first and I loved you so.

=]

Now I know why the first cut is the deepest.

Here's an extract of an article I've found online.

"Yet, in truth, no one forgets their first love. How could they? It's just not possible to forget that tingling sensation you feel when you fall in love for the very first time. 

Your first love brings up emotions that you may never have felt before - wild and passionate and almost startling in their intensity, almost a pure version of strong emotions that, later on in life, experience teaches you to dilute."

With each passing one, I'm having less expectations. I no longer care about that giggly feeling I felt when I was waiting, nor the anxiety that paced me up when I was on the other line. No more 'You hang up first , I did it the last time we talked', nor texting every single other minute and gigling to myself.

No longer do I care if we were miles a part, your evil and un-romatic side, you being possessive or materialistic, or even you being a total bitch.  To be honest, all my 'ban' list are now withdrawn. I just don't care now. As long as you are sincere to me, that is all I'll ever ask for. Not your time, your attention, nor will I don you with things you wouldn't prefer, or bug you excessively to do this and that.

That long long list that I've often wish to find in my perfect partner, has only one item on it right now.

Really didn't meant this post to be that emo. It started with a song and just carry on like that.

Last bit :

"not very likely to happen to you. 2 of us can lock ourselves in our respective room lor."

To be honest, I really don't mind locking myself in my room while I do my work =P.

"First loves are wonderful. They are perfect just as they are. In the past."

I've thought for a long time, memories are just memories. I loved the past you, and I'm not even sure how you are right now. So I won't spoil my memories by rekindling the flame with you again, no matter how much I want to give it a go again.

However so, you still look cute. AND YOU ARE NOT FAT! =D

Toodle-loo~

Its a bit funny and sad really.

Sometimes 'harmless' questions can hurt people in a way that you couldn't imagine. It might be the mood swings, or perhaps they just perceive it on a different level than you do

To one, its a mean of getting by, catching up.To another, it is the past that they wish to kept hidden, buried.

Funny how this never occur to me, perhaps it has never occur to the other party as well when I was at the receiving end. At this moment, we will put up a fake smile, act tough and go on with life.

I find these 'lies' to often now, I don't think I want to care about it any more. If you have something to say, you should say it or forever hold your tongue.

People aren't mind readers I can tell you that.

Whatever that is worth, maybe its a slight payback. Its too early to say but getting disappointed on your birthday, now that is a $%^&*.

Karma's a bitch, and we learn to live with it.

On another note, yet another 'O'. Let see how this turns out =)

PS: Izzie, a memory of the past, I guess you will always be just that. Sometimes I hate the Virgo in me. Can't I just learn from my mistakes and let go of the 'perfectionist' in me?

Maybe not. Toodle-loo!

A twisted post

Friday 8 , August 8 , 2008


The winter flows through my veins,
As the chills pricked my spine,
The sound of eerie howl,
Makes me crawl and prowl.

Thy love is fake,
As so the thought is brewed,
And everlasting life to take,
The end is cruel.

So let the time flies,
Into the abyss thou shall flow,
As the scarlet sky dies,
My love goes below.

Let thy true self be revealed,
Unmasked the emotion of thy heart,
For as long as I live unveiled,
A hole exist in thy heart


Sunday, August 10, 2008


Soshite, watashiwa bakasu.
Watashino setsusetsu mousukoshi mousukoshi shibomu.
Doko anatano koideshou?

My First, my past, how awkward to be still thinking of it. Maybe Virgos do think of the mistake they did in the past. Probing holes, hope this one can fill in the holes. 


Let the 'Rain' Fall Fall~


<3

To the left to the left =P

November has been swell, first term is almost at its end! Weee~

Though it also mean coursework submission is drawing closer and closer.. Pfft! >.<

Well, what can I say? Dramas and Movies, you have to go aside. Ice cream, pringles and soda. You're all welcome aboard while I read up journals and write horrendously!

I will smile everyday cause I won't know when it will be my last, and I let the past taunts me.

Ah Heroes, and Hiro =P 'Yatta!'

=S

Rotten time table is a bitch. And my body is still in 'Reading Week'. Which is NOT good at all. Its 4 hours to my 5 hour lecture now. And I woke up at 8pm. =/. Had a headache yesterday and ended up not going for lectures.

I still read the slides though, seems that i've didn't miss much. (Although I am sure those who actually went will be dazzled by the lecturer). Binomial Tree and Black Scholes tend to have that effect on most people =].

What am I doing now? Can't Maple, connection sucks at my place. Seems like the only place I can play is at Grosvenor Street Area.

Called Dad this morning (Malaysia time). Wished him Happy Birthday. Its nice to have it this year, 11.11.11. =P

Rain hates that number, well the addition of it '6'.

By the way the answer to this question is 14 right? O_O Why people keep giving 0?

1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 - 1 + 1 x 0 = ?

15 - 1 + 0 = 14.

Drats. I should do some IQ test soon. I feel like my speed in recognising pattern and thinking has been getting slightly slower.

And I wonder did Fan Ting did come to Manchester last weekend? Should give her a ring, miss the bugger. Why o why do you have to do placement year?!

=P Windy [Zephyrus] signing off. <--- now this looks gay.

PS: IH You should stop being sad, insecure, and grumpy. People around you love you, so be happy and don't bother about those rotten people, even if you have once cared and loved them. Be happy when they are, but don't let their negative emotion affect you. You're just bringing trouble yourself for worrying. [Though I doubt you will read this anyway, but still.... =D]

PPS: .(^-^). Huggies for my love. ; ], so sorry I've been busy! 

=)

This time, there wasn't any plan or thoughts. It felt right, feel right, so I just went with it.

Maybe this is what people say when the time is right or 'The Right Moment'.

I'm still surprise with myself. I guess I still can give surprises to myself when I give it a go.

=) Autumn Atom. Cheerio!